Before I had kids, I rarely thought about catastrophes and world disasters. I was the typical young and carefree person who really believed that nothing bad would ever happen to me, and thankfully, nothing ever did. So I was surprised at how having my daughter turned me into an instant worrywart.
Once she was born, I worried about sudden infant death syndrome, her sleep schedule, if she was getting enough nutrients, and if I’d be a good enough mother. As she got bigger, I worried about blunt falls, head trauma, and sicknesses. When she was a year old, she came down with a severe case of bronchiolitis, and was hospitalized. At age 7, she took a tumble off her bike, and suffered concussion and a broken tooth. Now that she’s older and on her own, I worry about car accidents and riding the trains late at night. As much as I would like to keep my troublesome thoughts to myself (and I try very hard to do just that), I probably let out my worry from time to time — which is exactly the opposite of what I intend to do.
And then I worry about that!
I keep an open line of communication with my kids, so I feel that I don’t really hold anything back. They know exactly who I am, faults and all, as I do them. But I do hold back on random doomsday thoughts that sometimes take over my mind. I’m not alone. I recently heard a psychologist on television explaining how to talk to your kids about tragic events, and he said that worry is not something that is even remotely new with moms. He said he has had several parents in his practice over the years, who admitted to feeling in a state of bliss when they looked at their babies, but then immediately imagined something horrible happening. It’s a result of the natural part of the huge and overwhelming abundance of love that comes from being a parent.
I don’t know why or how I got this way after having kids, but I would like it to stop. I would love to be that mother who is laid back, and doesn’t drum up worst-case scenarios, but I just haven’t been able to do it.
Outwardly, you’d probably never know it. I always allowed my kids to take calculated risks, try new things, eat lunch without first basking in Purell, and I don’t throw a fit over every cough or sneeze. On the contrary, I have a friend who washes down the entire house at the first sign of a sniffle and won’t allow the sick family member, including her husband, to touch the phone while under the weather. Other moms worry about terrorism, global warming, getting into a good college, and contracting incurable diseases. I’m not at all that way — but I am on the lookout for the speeding car and falling tree limb.
On the work front, I’m a pro. As an editor, I didn’t care if we had 10 blank pages and were going to press in minutes; I knew that together we’d always find a way to make it work. No project was too big or messy to get a hold on. Professionally, I am known as being calm under pressure, and I am — so what is this incessant fear and worry surrounding my kids? The thing is that I just cannot fathom any of my children getting seriously injured or, God forbid, anything worse. I try my best to hide this from them because I don’t want them to become worriers themselves.
Working in the media has actually helped me recognize just how many news stories are media-driven hype, based so loosely in truth that they should be considered works of fiction rather than news reports. Remembering that fact should help lessen anxiety that comes from television and social media. Of course, anything that can be done to take the edge off of the worry is beneficial: yoga, meditation, a good run, or even a good movie. Sometimes, changing your focus for a while is all you need.
Ironically, reading about other moms who worry actually makes me feel better and not so crazy, like this piece from Parents magazine:
“Worry is part of the dark underbelly of parenthood, the flip side of joy, pride, and fulfillment. The part they never really warn you about — that you’ll discover a fate worse than your own death. Worrying is right up there with providing food and buying cute dinosaur pajamas.”
Well, if that’s true, I should relax — it is practically a job requirement, and boy, do I excel at it.
Danielle Sullivan, a mom of three, has worked as a writer and editor in the parenting world for more than 10 years. Sullivan also writes about pets and parenting for Disney’s Babble.com. Find Sullivan on her blogs, Just Write Mom and Some Puppy To Love.
