On a walk about five days after a big snowstorm, I saw a huge pile of snow that was more gray than white. Yuck! To my amazement, a group of kids approached the mass and started climbing on it and laughing. To these children, it was still snow, no matter what color it was.
On the next block, I found a different scene. A mother and her 2-year-old son were waiting at the bus stop, not far from a heap of gray snow. He looked around and then moved to pick up a handful. The mother started screaming.
“Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Why would you do that? It’s so gross!”
She might think it’s disgusting, but her son was coming from a different perspective. Why get so upset about that?
Yes, there are lots of reasons for why she snapped at that moment. We can go into all those ideas and they would be valid. Here’s something that you cannot deny: Your behavior as a parent influences your child’s behavior.
As adults, it is our job to teach our kids. Yes, teaching him that snow is dirty is a good plan. Teaching him it is not good to touch it is also a good plan. Yelling at him for doing so is not a good plan. This approach teaches him to feel bad about himself and to question his choices.
This mother had the right concept but the wrong behavior. If you want your child to have good behavior, then consider how you interact with him and the example you set.
There are a lot of ways to teach your child that dirty snow is dirty and to discipline in a positive manner. A few options his mom could have chosen:
• Hold him away from the snow.
• Calmly tell him to step away and say that dirty snow is yucky.
• Let him touch it so that he might realize it’s gross.
The words you use, combined with your actions, make an impact on your children. Yes, you will have moments that are less than graceful. That is part of being human.
Strive to have less moments of bad behavior yourself, and you will notice that your child will have less moments of bad behavior also. The behavior of your child is more connected to your behavior than you may think.
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Dr. Marcie Beigel is a behavioral therapist, with 15 years of experience, based in Brooklyn. For more on her, visit www.Behav
