I’m going to break a rule this month. The purpose of our articles (and all that we do at DK Leadership) is to teach relationship principles that you can apply in work and family cultures (including parenting and relationships). So each month we try to tackle one topic that is relevant for both cultures. But since this past month included Valentine’s Day — and more importantly, because I gathered some interesting relationship data (that is couple-oriented) — I’m going to break my rule and give you an article that is really just for our relationships! Kids need their parents’ relationship to be a solid foundation, so this relationship is worth investing with time and energy!
Too often, we hear about relationships only from the woman’s perspective — but what do men want? What do they need from us to keep the spark and ignite our relationships? I went directly to the source and asked men through interviews, questionnaires, and social media. There were powerful and consistent themes!
What’s interesting is that many of these answers I’ve heard my husband say over our 15-year marriage, but what I didn’t realize was how prevalent these thoughts were among most men! Their number-one ask (no it wasn’t sex) was activity! I’ve grouped their answers into five themes, order of popularity, and intentionally kept their suggestions in their own words. Enjoy reading the list below and be sure to chat about this with your spouse!
Activity
• Organization and participation in activities that one’s partner likes and that one normally wouldn’t do (e.g. sporting events, action movies, etc.).
• Museum and sports dates that are of mutual interest.
• Weekends away.
• Watch sports together.
• Date nights.
• Take in a street festival together.
• Get a gift he wants that is outside of your comfort zone (weekend away to see NFL, book it and buy the tickets; plan the restaurants he would like).
Surprise and mystery!
• Surprise getaways.
• Surprise partner by showing up to office for an unplanned lunch or other date.
• Mix it up! Throw us for a loop — something we don’t expect. Variety is exciting!
• Surprise us with something out of routine — to do together. Just to break out of the normal, expected day will bring some spark and excitement.
Connect and affirm
• Connect regularly throughout the day. Pay attention to each other; body language can show a lot when it comes to frustration, worry, happiness, or pride. Hold hands, smile, and praise your partner, it builds and maintains the relationship.
• Stop keeping score: It only builds resentment and makes your closest allies feel like they’re in a competition.
• Have a quality, face-to-face conversation without any interruptions. Don’t underestimate how important it is to not only be heard but to actually feel like you are being heard.
• If women want romance, mood, or time together? They will get it if the man gets appreciation — genuine thank you (not a “thank you” that you would give an annoying aunt due to obligation).
Heat it up!
• Sexploration adventures to build on intimate connectedness and relationship.
• Sexting.
• Dressing up.
Time alone
• Time for extreme sports to let off steam to refocus mind and body.
• Surprise with the freedom to do something on our own — maybe she doesn’t want to join me, but giving me space to enjoy myself will bring me back closer!
Dr. Karyn Gordon is a regular contributor to “Good Morning America,” founder of dk Leadership, and best-selling author of “Dr. Karyn’s Guide To The Teen Years” (Harper Collins). Visit her at www.dklea
@DrKarynGordon.
