So, your teen is a slob. Join the club! My oldest is a quintessential pack rat; although, his piles are not neatly distributed in a small hole. My son claims he knows where everything is in that nightmare he calls a room. He says that if I move something, he won’t be able to find it. Find it? You couldn’t find an elephant in that mire! Sometimes I just cringe and shut the door. Then, when it’s time to vacuum, I go zany and start screaming that I’m going to throw out everything that’s on the floor!
When it looks as if an F5 tornado has struck your teen’s room and you are exasperated beyond measure, sometimes it’s easier just to close the door. However, this might not be the best solution because this doesn’t help your teen to learn how to organize his clutter. Charging in to clean it yourself, or simply ignoring the mess, won’t make the problem go away.
Taming tornadoes
Determine the root of the problem. Sometimes it’s just an inability to purge memorabilia or a simple case of laziness. It may be a personality trait or an actual disability inhibiting his ability to organize.
If there is a Department of Health issue with used string cheese wrappers growing mold in his book bag or ants nesting in old candy wrappers under the radiator, an overhaul is necessary. Analyze the effects of the state of his belongings. Is the condition of his room and belongings affecting his life in a negative way? If your teen’s goals, commitments or grades are suffering due to his mess, then it’s time to insist on change.
Dr. Robert Epstein, author of “TEEN 2.0: Saving Our Children and Families from the Torment of Adolescence” (Quill Driver Books, 2010) and former editor-in-chief of Psychology Today says, “Teens are young adults, not children. Picture your teen as a young boarder in your home. How would you treat him or her if he or she were a slob? You wouldn’t take away the iPod or car keys; you would negotiate and try to stay calm. You might draw a line indicating where his or her messy territory stops.”
Chances are he may need help, but it’s important for him to take ownership of the overhaul. Help him to realize that the mess is making things more difficult for him.
Many teens don’t know where to begin. Set realistic expectations and don’t expect that he won’t have setbacks or need reminders. Initial clean up should be done in stages. He can start with the floor, and then move to the closet on another day. If the task is in manageable pieces, it will be less daunting.
Epstein suggests, “Be a great role model. Show them how to do it. Sometimes it’s helpful to take them shopping for organizational aids, such as storage cubes or shelves. Always watch for any signs, even small signs, of neatness, and praise and reward like crazy.”
Encourage responsibility in your teen. If your teen loses a pair of sneakers, have him purchase a new pair with his own money. Set up a reward system for report cards free of comments about missing assignments. Avoid rushing to his rescue when his lack of organization gets him into trouble. If he has to fix his own mistakes, he will be less apt to repeat them.
If your teen has been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder or another disability that makes it difficult for him to get organized (such as an autism spectrum disorder), you should seek advice from a professional.
Other ways to help:
• Insist on weekly clean-ups so things don’t get out of hand.
• Encourage clearing out book bags and reorganizing notebooks each marking period.
• Suggest daily list making.
• Grant a new freedom (i.e. extension of a curfew) if your teen demonstrates responsibility.
Tips and tales
“I think many messy teens lack the organizational skills to be neater. If it is a problem at school, have them work with a guidance counselor or student support staff to help them keep things organized during the school day.”
Sharon Squire, Hyde Park, NY
“Close the door and walk away!”
Pam Todd, Salt Point, NY
Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer, columnist and author of, “Lions And Tigers And Teens: Expert Advice and Support for the Conscientious Parent Just Like You” (Unlimited Publishing LLC, 2012). For details, visit www.myrnahaskell.com.
