Children between the ages of 5 and 10 are the most common tattlers. Here are a few tips to tame your tattler.
• Motivating factors. To curb idle chatter, first look at the motive behind the action. Is the child tattling because he knows a rule has been broken but hasn’t developed the cognitive skills to understand when it’s important to and not to tell? Does he lack the social skills needed to resolve problems on his own? Children may also tattle if they feel something is unfair, to get another child in trouble, for attention or approval or for deflection. Once the motive has been determined, parents can properly address it.
• Brush aside, but don’t boot it. When the child tattles, downplay it but don’t completely dismiss it. Use this time to begin teaching him the difference between trivial and timely telling. Explain that tattling isn’t necessary (a child broke his crayon), but telling informs of danger (a child is playing with matches).
• Listen and learn. Until age 7 or 8, most children don’t have the ability to make the distinction between what does and doesn’t need to be told. But parents can guide their child in the process. Listen and acknowledge the child’s feelings. Once you know what he is saying, stop and ask, “Is someone going to get hurt? Is anyone crying?” If the answer is “no,” curb the conversation. In this way, he will begin to understand good and bad judgment calls.
• Partner and problem solve. Parents may need to coach their child on problem-solving skills. Tell him as long as people are working together peacefully and no one is in danger, they can work out solutions on their own. In this way, parents equip their child to take charge of situations.
• Skip scolding. Don’t scold or punish the child for tattling, as this may cut off all lines of communication.
• Maximize listening skills. Be present, nurturing, and interested in what the child has to say. But if the tale isn’t of a crisis nature, minimize the response and with time, it may subside.
• Wait it out. Most children outgrow tattling as they mature. If not, social consequences such as being ostracized by peers or becoming a victim of tattling may cure childish chattering for good.
The following children’s books tackle the subject of tattling:
• “Armadillo Tattletale” by Helen Ketteman and Keith Graves
• “A Bad Case of Tattle Tongue” by Julia Cook and Anita DuFalla
• “Don’t Squeal Unless It’s a Big Deal” by Jeanie Franz Ransom and Jackie Urbanovic
• “Rainbow Fish: Tattle Tale” by Sonia Sander
• “The Tattle Tail Tale” by Tandy Braid
