Heidi Murkoff, author of the bestselling “What to Expect” series of pregnancy and parenting books and mom to two grown children, Emma and Wyatt, has guided more than 40 million families worldwide through pregnancy, labor and delivery, and parenting infants. In fact, USA Today estimates that “What To Expect” is read by 93 percent of all expectant mothers who elect to read a pregnancy book, and the series has sold more than 34 million copies in the United States alone. But where are families to turn when their child hits the dreaded toddler years? Now, parents can continue to enjoy the series with its latest installment, “What To Expect: The Second Year,” which is chock full of expert advice on toddler topics like talking, diet, tantrums and making friends, to name a few.
We recently chatted with Murkoff, who shared helpful advice about how parents can stress less and enjoy their families more during their child’s “challenging but magical” toddler years.
How did you and co-writer Sharon Mazel prepare to write “What To Expect: The Second Year?”
It always starts with questions, which have always come from parents. These days, it’s easier than ever to solicit questions just by posting on the site [whattoexpect.com]. This time, though, I had some questions, too, specifically about how to format the book. After polling the moms on the site, I realized that the most intuitive way to handle the second year wasn’t month-by-month, but topic-by-topic. Parents of toddlers want to be able to access information fast and to flip quickly to what they need to know, and that’s what this format affords. As far as research, that’s exhaustive, and it has to be in order to produce books that are trusted by parents and health care providers. Writing, that’s the fun part, especially when it comes to writing about toddlers. One-year-olds just put a smile on my face!
What kinds of transitions are children are going through during their second year?
The second year is full of firsts: first steps, first words and first tantrums, making it among the most dramatically transformative years of a child’s life. Just about all of the developments and behaviors you glimpse in the second year are signs that your little one is carving out an identity, seeking autonomy and becoming an individual. This year’s theme is “I am toddler, hear me roar.” It’s not surprising that toddlerhood is called “the first adolescence.”
What are three things parents can do to make “the terrible twos” less stressful?
First of all, the “terrible twos” is a terrible misnomer—not only because they kick in when a toddler turns one and continue well past his third birthday, but because toddlers, as challenging as their behavior can be, are terrific, not terrible. As far as what can help parents enjoy the second year more, the first is perspective. Toddler behavior happens, and it has to happen, as inevitably as those first steps. It’s a normal, necessary phase of development, an essential part of growing up. Toddlers don’t do the things they do in order to drive their parents crazy—they do it because it’s in their job description. The second is consistency. The more things change for a toddler, the more comforting it is for them to know that some things always stay the same. Be consistent in your expectations and predictable in your routines, and you’ll get more compliance and less resistance from your little one. And the third is patience, which is a virtue every parent of a toddler needs in spades. Not to mention a sense of humor and joy. The second year is magical and fleeting—try to savor it.
What’s the biggest misconception parents have about their baby’s second year?
The most common misconception is “my toddler doesn’t eat enough.” The truth is that healthy toddlers who are allowed to eat to appetite without pushing or prodding inevitably eat exactly what they need to grow and thrive. Eating patterns may be erratic, like three Cheerios for breakfast one day and three bowlfuls the next, but if parents looked less at the leftovers on each plate and more at the big picture, they’d see that food intake almost always evens out over time. Something else parents misjudge is serving size. A toddler-sized portion is tiny—there’s a chart in the book that I think will surprise a lot of parents—which explains why heaping servings always seem to be left over.
Conversely, what’s one issue or behavior that you think merits more concern?
Few toddlers kick the bottle habit as early as they should—which is actually at their first birthday, as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Pediatric Dentists. Beyond the potential for tooth decay if the bottle is filled with milk or juice, there are several other reasons to quit the bottle habit at the start of the second year: one, it’s easy for toddlers to take in too many calories from a bottle, which can lead to a dampened appetite for solids or excess weight gain. Two, sucking down bottles of juice can lead to chronic tummy troubles. And three, continued bottle use can lead to an increased risk of ear infections. The same issues and more can apply with sippy cup abuse, which is why sippy cups should be alternated with straw cups and regular cups.
Do you incorporate your own parenting experiences into the writing of the book?
I have never written the books from my own experiences; because every parent and every toddler is different, there are few absolutes and no universal parenting experience. Still, having two second years under my belt allows me to write for parents of toddlers with empathy and understanding. The most important thing that I learned during my kids’ second years is that time passes very quickly. Even those afternoons that seem to drag on forever are over in a relative flash. Whatever behavior that’s driving you crazy this week, just try to take a step back and remember that all-purpose parental proverb: This, too, shall pass.
Let’s talk about the What To Expect Foundation; where did the inspiration for the foundation come from?
The epiphany moment came during a visit to Riker’s Island prison, where we were giving a seminar to pregnant inmates. First, we gave them all a copy of “What to Expect,” and whatever their reading levels or experiences were, it didn’t matter. They dove in, flipping through with excitement, pointing out “I have that!” or “That looks like me!” And so we started the What to Expect Foundation and created “Baby Basics,” a beautiful, culturally appropriate, low-literacy pregnancy guide—which is available in English, Spanish, and Chinese, with support materials in 14 other languages—and a prenatal health literacy program to go along with it. We’ve given “Baby Basics” to over half a million at-risk moms so far, with incredible, research-documented results. It works in informing, supporting and empowering low-income moms so they too can expect healthy pregnancies, safe deliveries and healthy, happy babies. We hope to take the program to every mom who needs it, not just in this country, but all over the world.
For more on the “What To Expect” series, visit whattoexpect.com.
