Dear Twins,
I’m so worried about my son (he is 8). He has always been home-schooled but now I have to go back to work so he will be starting at a regular school. He has a great personality, always smiles and laughs, and everyone likes him. The problem is, he is very short for his age. I mean very short. But he is excited and has no idea what may be in store for him. I’m afraid the smiling and laughter will stop. Kids can be mean. Please advise, twins!
— Worried Mother
Kerry says: You are worrying about something that has not even happened yet. Besides, holding your child captive for fear he may be ridiculed is far worse. If his height doesn’t bother him it probably won’t bother anyone else. He’s a likeable child. Let him be and stop fretting.
Jacqueline says: I agree with Kerry. Moreover, what do you think your lack of confidence in your son is doing to him? And there isn’t even a problem yet. If it becomes a problem (of which you don’t know yet) then he will most certainly need a strong, supportive parent to teach him to be brave, stand tall and have confidence in himself. The way you handle this will have far more impact on your son than anyone else.
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Dear Twins,
I’m a single mom and my teenage daughter is just about to start school and is so excited she is driving me nuts with all the clothes she wants to buy. This last week I drove her back and forth to 10 stores to buy one thing from here, another from there — and it’s costing me a fortune! Is this just a phase or will it end?
— Mother of Teenage Brat
Jacqueline says: The fact that your daughter is excited about school is a problem most parents would want. Be grateful your daughter has any interest in school or that she isn’t deeply depressed that she has to go back. If money and time are an issue, then explain to your daughter that she is allowed to spend a certain amount of money in three stores only. What you could have made into a memorable mother-daughter shopping experience you have spoiled. Hopefully, your daughter wasn’t put off by your annoyance with her.
Kerry says: I totally disagree with Jacqueline. It is your daughter whom is the brat. And it will never end if you don’t put your foot down. Why in the world are you catering to her every whim and spoiling her rotten? Instead of her being appreciative, she is ungrateful and demanding. In order to discipline your child you need to learn to stand up for yourself. Tell her the budget you can afford to work with; anything extra will come out of her own money that she will earn doing chores or at a job. And tell her you will go to a maximum of two stores at any given time. Enough’s enough.
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Dear Twins,
For a part time job, my 13-year-old son has started a dog-walking business. Because there are quite a few dog owners in our apartment building, he is just getting his little business going pretty well. However, there is one woman who always asks a little extra of my son when he is walking her dog, such as, “on the way back, can you stop by the laundry shop and pick up my husband’s suit,” or “on the way back, can you pick me up some milk, bread and eggs, etc…” While she pays for these items, she never offers any extra to my son for these favors. Is this fair? Should I say something to her, or have him say something to her? Or say nothing at all?
— Miffed in Manhattan
Kerry says: Your son should not be taken advantage of. In fact, this is a good time to learn that his hard work is valuable and he needs to be compensated for it; this includes any “extras.” He also needs to learn to speak up for himself. If your son wants to make extra money he should very amicably say, “The rate I charge is only for dog walking, but I would be happy to do any additional work you may need at $5 per job.” Or, if he prefers to keep it as solely as a dog-walking service he might say, “I am only offering dog walking services at this time. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to do any extra outside jobs.”
Jacqueline says: Yes, your son is being taken advantage of because he is 13 and easy to take advantage of. But I disagree with Kerry. I am all for going the extra mile at a job. That’s how we get recommendations and more clients. If the chores are part of the paid hour, then what’s the big deal? Does he complain about doing them? What I’m hearing is this actually bothers you more than your son. If he doesn’t want to do these chores, then by all means have him say something. However, if your son is fine with it, stay out of it and let work breed more work.
