Despite having a mom and dad who are the most wonderful and loving human beings in the world, my children—now 9 and 13—do what many siblings do, spending far too much of their time antagonizing each other. Recently, though, we may have happened upon the road to love and peace.
My daughter is in her fifth year at sleepaway camp. Originally, she went for three and a half weeks, after she finished the third grade. To our surprise (because he’s more of a squishy, miss-my-mom type), my son requested the same time table, so last week we dropped him off for his first stint (also three and a half weeks) at Crane Lake, the same camp where Elena goes.
A few observations:
* The boy in the bunk next to him had a copy of Moby Dick on his bed. Holy shit! With as much dead pan as I could muster, I asked his mom whether her son enjoys Melville, and she explained that he doesn’t so much read books like that as enjoy thinking that he can. Maybe. But she may also have been saying this to stop me from gawking.
* A kickball can be an unbelievably effective ice-breaker for nine-year-old boys.
* Without me twisting her arm, Elena was really nice to Adam, and he was to her. She went out of her way to meet him when we first arrived, and took him by the hand and walked him to his bunk, pointing out lots of stuff along the way. I know this seems like basic manners, but to see them holding hands and excitedly chatting about their now-shared passion was quite the sight for Rebecca and I.
Naturally, the boys and girls sleep in separate sections of the camp. But as it happened, Adam’s bunk is a short diagonal from Elena’s; they must see each other in passing a lot. At home, because of space limits, they’ve always shared a bedroom, and I’ve observed that often, when they’re in the bedroom at the same time, they kind of ignore each other, as if that’s the best way to cope with the situation and create some privacy. Maybe camp is giving them the space they need to be civil.
All I can tell is that every year Elena comes home from camp seeming healthier, happier, prettier, kinder, friendlier—and really just kind of wonderful. And it lasts three days.
I’m looking forward to seeing whether camp détente has some enduring value.
Eric Messinger is the Editor of New York Family. He can be reached at emessinger@manhattanmedia.com
