The world of grandparenting can be tricky; just try to put yourself in your parents’ shoes for a minute. They have raised their kids already and think they did a pretty awesome job. Now their baby has a baby and they don’t know how to act. All of a sudden their baby, who was brought up on junk food, public school, no seat belts, and television and turned out perfectly, is telling them what to do around the grandkids (no sugar, “we are going to homeschool,” “take the booster seat” and “no screen time”).
Some grandparents turn passive aggressive and do the opposite of what they are asked; some just stop showing up. If you can find a happy medium, you are doing better than most. Check out some common issues parents have with grandparents. I’m talkin’ straight at you, grandparents!
Don’t start a tradition you can’t finish
You are the one who wanted to buy each grandchild a $50 Build-a-Bear workshop stuffed animal and started that tradition nice and early. I realize most people don’t go out and give birth to more than two children these days, but you’d better start padding your savings account, Mee-maw, because I have five kids currently and might have more! If you do something for one, you can bet the others are watching and are going to be bugging me about it constantly! I suggest starting cheaper traditions that are more about time spent together, like taking the kid out for an ice cream and to the dollar store every year for Valentine’s Day.
Don’t parent them; that’s my job
I expect you to spoil them! If I have said, “Go for it” then give them candy, let them go on a cartoon binge, and by all means buy them the entire set of Harry Potter books!
Likewise, though, if I ask you to not smoke, drink, or watch “Dexter” around the kids, please respect that.
Come to stuff! Show up!
You don’t need an engraved invitation to a Little League baseball game; if I e-mailed you the schedule, I want you to come. If you don’t show up to any of the birthday parties because you are mad at me or too busy, that’s only hurting the relationship with your grandchild. Let’s talk it out.
Bite your tongue
As Jen M.L. of the popular People I Want to Punch in the Throat blog says, “You had your chance to [mess] up a kid and now it’s my turn, so pipe down with all the unwanted advice.” Michele Pfeiffer, mom of one, offers, “Don’t be a helicopter grandparent. Let the parents make the same mistakes and learn from them. We all turned out fine.”
Unless your grandchild is in serious danger, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself. Share those thoughts instead with your friends at work or the community center.
Take it easy on the material junk
Most kids have tons of random junk they never play with. May I suggest a lovely family gift of a zoo membership next Christmas? Or, if you insist on dropping $50 on each birthday, how about a $10 gift and a $40 savings account donation?
Leave religion out of it
This is a loaded topic for grown adults, so don’t bring it up around your kids and grandkids. Your job is to love the grandkids and just get along and help out. Asking your grandkids in private why they don’t go to church is not acceptable.
Nothing stays the same
Jody Kwan Jones, mom of three, says, “Grandparents need to remember that times have changed. They seem perfectly willing to accept the new technology that makes life easier, like nice cars, computers, fancy televisions, etc. Why then, are there endless repetitions of, ‘It was good enough for you as a baby, so it’s fine for your baby.’ Ummmm, no, I will not be giving my baby whiskey in a bottle to put him to sleep!”
Be supportive
If your grandchild is struggling with something in school or life, it’s not always your kid’s fault. Instead of blaming or saying your grandchild never acts that way around you, ask what you can do to help. Can you watch the other kids while your grandchild goes to therapy? Come over for a while to cook or just sit and read to your grandchild? Maybe your grandchild is struggling with science and you are a chemical engineer. Think, help, instead of snark.
Kerrie McLoughlin’s five kids are very lucky to have six rockin’ grandparents who know how to strike the balance between smothering and neglect. More humor and fun at TheKerrieShow.com.
