Like an astronaut returning home after being out there for a while, my 12-year-old daughter is going through “re-entry” after spending almost two months at sleepaway camp. The keys for her seem to be to take it slow, try not to be lured into any “drama” (her favorite new word), and enjoy a lot of time with creature comforts like cheeseburgers, TV shows, and Gchat. But I was surprised by one special request, which, of course, I shouldn’t have.
Near the end of a dinner at Bareburger a few nights ago with me and her brother, Elena says in the most gentle and kindly of voices: “There is something I want to talk to you about. (hesitation) I know you’re going to say no. (hesitation) But it keeps coming up and I’m sure there’s a way I can do it with restrictions. . . . ”
At first, I’m thinking the worst: a boyfriend. But then she reveals herself.
“The thing is,” Elena says. “Everyone from camp is on Facebook. And it’s hard when people keep asking me, ‘Are you on Facebook?’”
It’s true that my wife and I nixed Facebook last spring (even before a formal request was submitted), but our long-term record on children and electronics is mixed. Generally, we think it’s better to allow children their amusements with limits. But we never have the energy or will to manage their usage. And when we’re at our most beleaguered, an outright ban always seems like such an appealing option. (“No TV for you . . . ever!”)
A few days earlier, when we picked Elena up at camp, we couldn’t help but remark at all the counselors and campers who seemed to have very warm feelings toward her. I have no doubt that her camp life has its own dramas, but I was quite proud to imagine her as a fun, respected, and well-liked part of her camp community.
It appears that the calm and pleasantness of her re-entry has dulled my senses.
“Facebook, huh,” I said, with little hesitation. “I’m sure we can work something out.”
Eric Messinger is the editor of New York Family. He can be reached at [email protected].
