A story making the rounds from parent to parent last week delved into the issue of over-scheduled children. Concerned about his own brood, Bruce Feiler, a New York Times family columnist and author of The Secrets Of Happy Families, had asked a bunch of parenting experts whether children can, in fact, be over-scheduled and how much is too much? You should certainly read it yourself—it’s the first link in our stories of the week roundup—but I wanted to amplify one piece of advice he received because it’s one of my favorite ways of addressing many parenting dilemmas.
The advice came from Michael Thompson, the noted psychologist and the author of The Pressured Child. According to Feiler, Thompson recommended that parents worry less about their kids getting ahead and more about “their overall quality of life.”
“Is the child getting enough sleep?” Thompson asked. “Does the child have enough time to do his or her homework?”
Years ago, I did a story about another fretful topic for parents: Children and screen time. Again, there were a few interesting tidbits and points of difference. While some experts felt, for example, that for children under age 2, television watching was the equivalent of empty calories, many over-stretched parents still valued it because their kids would sit still and be occupied. Moreover, the parents thought there was more going on in a positive educational way than the experts realized.
But the advice that most resonated with me was very much in keeping with Thompson’s suggestions to Feiler. Yes, no child should be watching hours and hours of TV as part of their daily lives. That’s a given. But as for determining exactly how much screen time they should have, one expert I spoke to suggested that a better approach would be to look at the child and the whole of their day and decide whether the real important things are in place: Time at the playground, reading time, nutrition, naptime, quality time with parents and caregivers, stimulating non-screen activities, downtime. If all the good stuff is already in the mix of their lives–and the child’s general behavior and disposition is normal for their age–then a little more screen time (or a little less screen time) won’t make all that much of a difference in their development and happiness.
With any of these “how much is too much?” issues especially, it’s hard as a parent not to get caught up in trying to find the right answer for your child. But the best clue about how concerned you should be is usually right in front of you. Ask yourself as honestly as you can: How’s your child doing? Behaving? Feeling?
And go from there.
Eric Messinger is the editor of New York Family. He can be reached at emessinger@manhattanmedia.com.
