Most folks get excited about the promise of a new year. Some might choose to start a daily exercise routine or spend more time with family in order to facilitate a positive lifestyle change. Many of us go into these resolutions with gusto, determined to make a change, only to find that a few weeks later, our enthusiasm has quelled with the whirlwind of everyday life.
As a teenager, I pledged to stop biting my nails on several New Year’s Eves, only to find that by mid-gymnastics season, they were bitten down to stubs again. As an adult, I botched several new exercise regimens.
Is it more difficult for teens to keep their New Year’s promises? After all, this is the crowd that quickly ditched Facebook for Twitter and Aeropostale for Forever 21. Can parents help their teens find resolutions that are successful, or is this a pipe dream considering many parents can’t stick to their own?
The fickle teen
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, teens can be impulsive.
“The parts of the brain involved in keeping emotional, impulsive responses in check are still reaching maturity. Such a changing balance might provide clues to a youthful appetite for novelty, and a tendency to act on impulse” (“The Teen Brain: Still Under Construction,” 2011).
Most teens don’t stick with much of anything for very long, changing their minds frequently about fashion, music, and social networking apps. However, does it follow that teens are less likely to adhere to resolutions than adults?
Dr. Robert Epstein, senior research psychologist at the American Institute for Behavioral Research and Technology and author of “Teen 2.0: Saving Our Children and Families from the Torment of Adolescence,” believes that teens are no more likely to bail on resolutions than adults.
“Resolutions, by their very nature, are hard to keep, because they almost always deal with destructive, deeply entrenched habits people have had for years,” he says. “If anything, teens have a better chance now and then of keeping their resolutions simply because those bad habits aren’t so old.”
Susan Kuczmarski, EdD, author of “The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go,” encourages families to familiarize their children with resolutions when they are young.
“Then, when they become teens, they will relish the opportunity. It gives them a chance to focus on something that is meaningful and familiar.”
Define specific goals
First, define the goal (e.g. better homework habits), and then find a focused activity to support it (e.g. keeping the cellphone out of sight while studying, etc.). If a teen feels strongly about making a change, she’ll likely stick with it.
Kuczmarski recommends that families work on resolutions together and make it a regular New Year’s event. She suggests that families discuss personal growth and what each member would like to learn and acquire in the New Year.
Teens should choose goals that are attainable to avoid becoming quickly discouraged. Running six miles a day, for instance, when a teen has a full schedule of activities, might not be feasible. On the other hand, a 20-minute run three days per week is a more practical goal.
Persistence and resilience
Kuczmarski says that the advent of a New Year is a perfect time to talk about the importance of sticking with something that is meaningful.
“If teens don’t continue with the resolution, then it is a great time to talk about the value of persistence, resilience, risk-taking, and that it is okay to fail,” she explains.
Parents need to stress that taking chances and trying new things is better than not having tried at all.
“Many successes were first ‘failures.’ Starting over again and giving it another try is how new services and products are introduced and launched,” Kuczmarski points out. “Learning to stick to a resolution is part of the process of discovery.”
Kuczmarski says that this time of year is a great way for families to bond by sharing dreams and helping each other reach goals.
Teens’ tips and tales
“I occasionally make New Year’s resolutions, but I rarely stick to them religiously. I believe they can be useful if people actually force themselves to follow them. They can be the perfect way to either break a bad habit or to create a new beneficial habit.”
John Ackerman (age 17), Staatsburg, NY
“You have to be very motivated. I would rather make a lot of little resolutions throughout the year.”
Mali Holmes (age 16), Evergreen, CO
“I haven’t really bought into the whole New Year’s resolution thing. If there’s something I want to do, though, I try it (new homework habits, fitness routines, etc.). Most often, I don’t stick to these resolutions.”
Hannah Vuozzo (age 17), Salt Point, NY
Share your ideas
Upcoming topic: The effect of divorce on the teen psyche. Ways parents can ease the transition.
Please send your full name, address, and brief comments to myrnahaskell@gmail.com, or visit www.myrnahaskell.com
Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer, columnist, and author of “Lions And Tigers And Teens: Expert Advice and Support for the Conscientious Parent Just Like You” (Unlimited Publishing LLC, 2012) available at Amazon.com.
