The advances that have occurred over the past five years in the design and creativity of online platforms offered — whether used on a computer, tablet, or cellphone — is staggering. There are a number of benefits to social media, and it is a way of life for many teens. In fact, for the first time, there is a generation that has not experienced a world without the internet. This constant access to the internet is not only used for research and chatting with friends, it is also used for harm.
Teens now find their personal relationships and their actions being exploited online for the world to see by peers. As a result, many teens (and their parents) are left wondering how best to handle cyberbullying.
Before the internet, bullying often occurred on the playground, in the hallways, or on the school bus — all places that an adult is present and can assess a situation quite quickly with notification. Now, this same type of bullying behavior has spread to the greater public via the web, mostly on social media.
In many instances, the adults that could easily monitor face-to-face bullying or verbal teasing are not as knowledgeable of social media, and therefore, cannot successfully identify, monitor, or deter this behavior.
“According to a lot of different data, and depending on age and gender, it looks like young people are getting a mix of phone and text cyberbullying as well as on social media, and likely in tandem with these forms of communication,” says Yoko Liriano, director of Citywide Teen Programs at the YMCA of Greater New York.
Like bullying, cyberbullying occurs amongst school-aged children typically entering or in the midst of adolescence (e.g., pre-teens and teens) and involves a power imbalance between peers. Kids who are bullied are intimidated by the use of power — such as physical strength, knowledge of embarrassing information, or simple popularity. The bully uses that power imbalance over time and in different situations to control a situation or hurt the other victim’s feelings, which can include a combination of in-person bullying and cyberbullying.
“Cyberbullying is a type of bullying, but it is done via social media in the form of comments and damaging pictures, texting, or using any type of communication device to perpetuate the bullying,” Liriano says. “I would venture to say that the effects of cyberbullying are more lasting than most physical bullying, because anything done on the internet is on the internet forever.”
This bullying behavior is repeated over time and can occur during or after school hours. Cyberbullying typically occurs among young people, but there are instances in which the person on the other side of the computer or device is an adult.
When an adult is involved, this type of conduct — which is often referred to as cyber-harassment or cyberstalking — there are potential for legal consequences. In all forms of cyberbullying, it can include harassment, threats, and embarrassment.
So how can parents protect their children? Pre-teens and teens are socializing online and using mobile devices at a greater rate than ever before, so it is hopeless to attempt banning access, especially as these tools become more integrated with typical personal and school interactions. Because cyberbullying can negatively affect a person’s self-image and behavior, one of the best steps to counter these consequences is to provide positive in-person interaction with adults and peers, which can reduce the negative impact of cyberbullying.
“I would say that we want our young people to feel like we trust them, because we do. Being ‘Big Brother’ could push teens away. Practice being on social media WITH young people — befriend them on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, or whatever they are using. Ask them to help you with social media, so it feels like you are learning together. Make it a family affair!” says Liriano.
As parents, we are often protective, but early on, we must let our children take the lead.
“I am a firm believer that young people should be shown how to work out conflicts between each other first,” says Liriano. “[To prevent bullying from being] pervasive in a school setting, most school administrations have strict policies against cyberbullying. Depending on the severity, the police may also be notified and brought into the situation. The more we work on building strong relationships and strengthening our communities, the less likely cyberbullying will occur. Let’s start there.”
If you suspect that your child is the victim of cyberbullying, the first step is to examine the many ways your child interacts with others online. Cyberbullying can be easy to spot when carried out through a text, tweet, or response to a status update on Facebook. Other, less obvious, forms of cyberbullying include antagonizing someone through fake online accounts and tagging the person on posts of embarrassing information, photos, or videos.
“Cyberbullying could happen in many forms, there have been cases of young people (and even parents) posing as ‘love interests’ and tormenting young people to the point of suicide, college students outing their roommates for being gay (also resulting in suicide), as well as young people who share nude photos via text or online,” Ms. Liriano says. “They need to understand that ‘nudes’ are a form of child pornography, so taking a photo, sending it, or re-posting is all illegal — and very, very damaging. There have been too many cases of suicide due to cyberbullying, so it is increasingly important that we educate and advocate for our young people.”
The YMCA of Greater New York also provides great guidance for examining whether your child is the victim of cyberbullying, and some tips to help protect her from it:
Make face time with your kids — the old-fashioned way. Spend time with your kids every day and give them your full, undivided attention. Turn off cellphones, televisions, and computers to create a conversation-friendly environment.
Learn the signs. A child who is being bullied may have a loss of appetite, may lose interest in favorite activities, and may withdraw socially and emotionally in other ways. Watch for changes in behavior and seek help if you suspect something is wrong.
Be available to talk — but don’t force it. Kids may feel embarrassed, ashamed, angry, or confused about being bullied, and it may be difficult for them to talk about it with you. Give them time to open up, and let them know you are there and will be supportive if they need your help.
Let them know it’s not their fault. Never blame a child for being bullied or for not “fighting back.” It can be helpful to share one or two of your own personal stories so your kids know they’re not the only ones to experience this kind of behavior or feel the way they do.
Help find positive ways for them to feel empowered and regain self-esteem. Show that you are committed to helping them resolve the issue, and talk through ways to address or cope with the bullying behavior.
Parents need to be proactive in monitoring their children’s behavior in response to their online interactions, because they cannot rely on their children coming to them once the bullying has occurred. Many pre-teens and teens are hesitant to report being bullied, and recent studies have found that one in four teens have been the victims of cyberbullying, and one in six admit to having cyberbullied someone else. In fact, girls are more likely than boys to be bullies and victims on the internet.
Use of the internet and social media is inevitable in the day-to-day socializing of pre-teens and teens. Parents should keep a close eye on children’s social media accounts and be aware of what is posted and made public. Also, reading the comments made by others will give parents a better understanding of interactions between their children and peers online. If your children are on social media, you should have an understanding of social media yourself.
Shnieka Johnson is an education consultant and freelance writer. She is based in Manhattan where she resides with her husband and son. Contact her via her website, www.shnie
