Dear Sharon,
Our 5-year-old son sleeps with our dog every night (a loving and tender Irish setter). We’re concerned that he is too dependent on him for company and will not be able to sleep alone in the coming years. What do you think?
Dear parents,
When I first saw your question, I happened to be with a 22-year-old friend of mine who loves animals, particularly dogs. Her reaction to your concern was, “I have a 25-year-old friend who sleeps with his dog. He loves his dog. It’s great to love your dog.” I generally agree that it is wonderful for children and adults to love their pets. I, too, know many people who sleep with their animals and enjoy doing so.
It is also true that many people, children and adults, would rather not sleep by themselves. I have rarely met a young person who chooses to sleep alone — even though there are many reasons it might be best for him to do so.
Many parents to whom I speak have to sort through if, how, and when to have their children sleep by themselves when there is resistance to doing so. Oftentimes, music, soft blankets, favorite stuffed animals, or siblings become sleepmates to fill the void and help with the transition to sleeping alone. It is also common that pets help provide company to a “lonely” child and help him sleep through the night with some much appreciated company.
It is difficult for parents to remember that children develop in stages. The interests and levels of independence of a 5-, 10- and 15-year-old child are very different. As little ones get older, their needs at night (and during the day) change a great deal.
Most children develop an interest in their own physical space and personal autonomy, especially as they get close to adolescence. As children grow in size and emotional understanding, a pet — such as an Irish setter — who climbs into bed every night can start to take up too much physical space or be “troublesome” in other ways.
Parents of a child of any age should probably be concerned if their son or daughter is relying on a pet for extensive companionship during the day, when ongoing relationships with friends and adults should be primary to a young one’s social life and overall development.
If a child’s connections with their parents and other children are going well, then I believe that sleeping with his beloved dog at night is probably fine.
