In
Gina and Brian Waldman’s apartment building, the doorman puts his
finger to his lips. “They’re trying to get the baby to sleep,” he
whispers. The baby he so quietly refers to is 23-month-old Gavin, the
Waldmans’ son, who has earned something of a reputation in the building
for being a, well, sensitive sleeper.
“He’s
very cute, but he doesn’t sleep,” says Brian. “Gavin goes to sleep
every single night at 6 p.m. and he wakes up at 3:30 in the morning for
the day.” The Waldmans have tried everything, but Gavin still wakes in
the middle of the night. So they’ve developed an alternating schedule.
Brian wakes up at 3:20 a.m., ready for Gavin’s cries, which come like
clockwork. Then father and son stay up until 6 a.m., when Gina will take
over so Brian can grab some sleep before the two parents head off to
work. The next night, Gina wakes at 3:30.
But
tonight is different. Tonight, sleep trainer Elizabeth Ruebman is here,
and already she’s helped the Waldmans feed, bathe and put Gavin to bed
without a pacifier. No, she’s not a miracle worker. She’s a member of
the Dream Team, a New York-based group of toddler and infant sleep
consultants who help parents teach their children how to achieve healthy
sleep patterns.
From
Dr. Sears to Supernanny, it seems everyone these days has advice for
parents on how get their children to sleep, and methods range from
co-sleeping to crying it out. Yet despite the ready availability of
books, articles and even television shows on the subject, parents remain
as confused about sleep as ever. As one of several groups answering the
call for help in NYC, the Dream Team creates individually-tailored
sleep training plans that may or may not include feeding adjustments,
nap adjustments, check-in calls and wake-up celebrations when the baby
sleeps through the night. It never involves cry-it-out.
“No
one really teaches you how to teach your kids to sleep,” says Gina, who
works part-time as a senior account manager at Manhattan Media.
“[Gavin’s older brother, Jared] was such a great sleeper that I was
like, what do you mean ‘teach your kids to sleep’? Kids sleep! I never
heard of this stuff.”
Many
new parents feel the same way. “A lot of people roll their eyes at the
idea because they’re not a parent who needs a [consultation],” says
Conner Herman, co-founder of Dream Team and mother of two. “[But many
parents] have a problem and it’s out of control.”
That’s
where trained consultants like Ruebman come in. Dream Team consultants
stay overnight in parents’ homes and help them through the sleep
learning process for two weeks.
“I’m
going to leave them a schedule and talk about what they should do
tomorrow,” says Ruebman, who arrived an hour before bedtime. “By the
time I go, there’s nothing they can’t do by themselves.”
Ruebman
talks to the Waldmans about REM cycles and how, as we get older, we
learn to put ourselves back to sleep rather than rely on our parents to
help us do it. It’s all quite technical and science-driven, which
comforts Brian, who admits to being a skeptic. After all, it does sound
odd—someone coming into your home to help you put your kid to bed.
“It’s
like having a personal trainer if you wanted to get in shape or train
for something,” says Kira Ryan, co-founder and also a mother of two.
“Having someone there when you’re in the gym is so much more motivating
than having an audio recording or a book next to you.”
But
the consultants don’t just encourage you; they, along with a team of
experts, help you figure out what’s going on with your child. In order
to do this, the Dream Team requires a lot of information. In addition to
a family interview, the Waldmans filled out logs that included exact
times and information about Gavin’s feedings, naps and screaming at
night. All children who will undergo a Dream Team program require a
pediatrician’s sign-off.
If
there’s a question concerning the child’s health or development, that’s
where the Dream Team’s advisory board comes in—a board made up of a
pediatrician, a lactation consultant, a behavioral analyst, a
psychotherapist, a nurse practitioner and other medical professionals.
Consultants will run questions by the appropriate expert to ensure the
customized sleep training plan is truly the best plan for the child.
“There’s
so much bad information out there and people are just too exhausted to
sort through it,” says Herman. “Regardless of family situation, we are
prepared, and if [there] is a surprise we have someone we can fall back
on.”
As
their business has grown, Herman and Ryan have trained more
consultants, many of whom are former clients. They’ve also expanded
their services; there are phone consultations, the founders are working
on a book and starting online sleep intensive workshops.
“It’s
not going to be overnight. I don’t have fairy dust that I sprinkle on
the babies; I just get them on the right schedule,” says Ruebman. “It
helps you get in the mindset, ‘We’re about to make a change.’”
And the fact that change can happen at any stage is a key part of the Dream Team’s philosophy.
“You
really can work on sleep at any age,” says Ryan. “It’s never too late
to teach your child how to be a better, more independent sleeper.”
Their
message and methods ring loud and clear to families like the Waldmans.
“It’s such a comfort to have someone here,” says Gina. “The minute we
hung up the phone after the consultation, I finally knew that hope was
in sight.”
For more info, visit dreamteambaby.com.
Sleep On It
By New York Family
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