The end of the past school year was marred by several high profile suicides that seem to have been caused by online bullying. At the time, school officials were criticized because they hadn’t taken action to stop the harassment. During the summer, when school is out, kids will have more time for social networking, and parents become the ones responsible for intervening to stop the mean behavior that has become epidemic online.
Obviously, most parents worry most about how to keep their own kids from becoming victims of online harassment. That’s a very legitimate concern, given a recent study from the Cyber bullying Research Center showing that victims of cyber bullying are more likely to contemplate suicide. Still, protecting victims is only part of the equation. Parents need to expand their vision to help kids create and participate in online networks that reinforce what’s best about young people—and not what’s worst.
Unfortunately, online communities take their cue from offline culture which is awash with meanness. Political talk show hosts regularly demean those who disagree with them. Reality TV shows thrive on putting people in humiliating situations. Music and movies often revolve around violence or the threat of violence. In this context, it’s not surprising that young people are confused about how to create rewarding relationships.
Summer is a good time to regroup. Think about the friendships that have been meaningful in your own life. How can you help your child develop the same kind of warm, supportive network both online and off?
Here are some suggestions:
Look in the mirror. You, of course, are the most important role model for your child, so a little self-examination is in order. How do you behave towards other people? How do you talk to your child when you’re angry? How do you argue with your spouse? What do you say about neighbors, politicians or opinions you don’t like? If your children sees you behaving respectfully towards others — even under trying circumstances — they will have a repertoire of strategies to use in on and offline relationships.
• Brush up on the basics. Comcast and McAfee have teamed up to produce two succinct and up-to-date family Internet contracts that cover basic rules for safe and responsible online fun. Even the most Web savvy parents and kids will benefit from reviewing these rules. One contract is for teens and one for younger children. Each includes pledges for both parents and kids. Find them at www.alturl.com/okdk.
• Strengthen offline networks. Summer is an ideal time to help kids develop face-to-face friendships. Look for settings in which kids have fun that doesn’t involve belittling other people. In particular, pay attention to the tone set by adult leaders including coaches, camp counselors and even church youth group leaders. Be sure they model the kind of fairness, decency and respect you want from your kids.
• Diversify online networks. Facebook still dominates but some teens are migrating to other social networks. Unfortunately, some of these networks bring out the worst in kids. Formspring, for example, has garnered a lot of attention because it lets people post anonymous answers to questions, a practice that seems designed to encourage viciousness. Fortunately, there are also social networks that are specifically designed to encourage creativity or community service. Encourage your teen to investigate sites like www.crowdrise.com, a site that encourages teens to network for good causes.
• Monitor as needed. The best monitoring technique is a conversation with your child about what he or she is doing online. If you’re worried that your child isn’t being candid about online activities, consider subscribing to www.Safetyweb.com, a new service that monitors every crevice of the social Web and alerts to what’s being said about your child as well as what your child says about others.
• Reiterate old rules. Don’t worry about sounding like your own parents. The Golden Rule definitely applies online. It’s also worth repeating another old-fashioned chestnut — if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Simply following this rule would eliminate most of the hurtful remarks about everything from bad hair days to weight and sexuality.
It would be nice to think that summer could be a vacation from problems like cyber bullying. Since that’s not a realistic option, parents should take advantage of the extra time with their kids to find out what’s actually happening in their online lives. Then they can help kids enjoy the latest social networking trends without abandoning the old-fashioned family values of respect, fair play and kindness.
Carolyn Jabs, MA, has been writing about families and the Internet for over 15 years. She is the mother of three computer-savvy kids. Other Growing Up Online columns appear on her Web site www.growing-up-online.com.
@ Copyright, 2010, Carolyn Jabs. All rights reserved.
