When you are a parent, you accumulate memories of the most magical moments of your life with your kids. You also rack up some of the most challenging. The trick is to keep the magical moments stacking up faster than the challenging ones.
I swear doing this doesn’t require lessons at Hogwarts. With a few solid behavior strategies in your back pocket, you can change some of the demanding moments into whimsical remembrances. Keep the following three guiding behavioral principles in mind next time you feel your frustration build:
Speak with purpose
Only give your child a direction when you are ready to follow through on it.
For example, every morning you tell your small being to get dressed 17 times, but this only happens when you go into her bedroom, help her pick out her clothes, and put them on her.
Make a vow to only tell her to get dressed when you are ready to walk into her room and help her. Stop telling her to get dressed while you are still getting yourself dressed or making breakfast. This will reduce everyone’s frustration fast!
Do more, your actions count
Our behavior paired with our words teaches our small beings to listen.
This will help you with the juggling act that is required as a parent.
When you now speak with purpose, you tell your daughter it is time to get dressed and then walk into her bedroom and start opening drawers. You are showing her what actions need to be taken to get dressed, rather than waiting for her to start before you make a move. Be the model she needs.
This approach also has the added benefit of eliminating arguments as you put your words into action before she can debate. Any little lawyers in your life will be stopped in their tracks.
Choose honey
You know the phrase “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”? This adage could not be more important for promoting better behavior in your small beings. When you are positive, they are much more likely to have stellar behavior.
When you begin searching for the right outfit with your small being, say something like, “It would be fun to wear a dress with tights today, since the air is so wonderfully cool.” Open her closet door and find a dress that you think is great and tell her how much you love the polka dots on it. When you are excited about her clothing, it will be more fun for her to get dressed.
The trick to these fundamentals is that you need to use them proactively. Respond to your small one’s needs by creating a solid dynamic where you always speak with purpose, do more, and choose honey. It will make a world of difference!
If you want more details on how to use these strategies, check out my new book, “Love Your Classroom Again.” While the examples are based on a classroom setting, the strategies are applicable to any environment.
For a special gift especially for New York Parenting readers, please visit: https://drmarcie.leadpages.co/quick-video-for-ny-parenting
Dr. Marcie Beigel is a behavioral therapist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families for more than 15 years and has condensed her observations into her practice and programs. For more on her, visit www.Behav
