I’ve been a teacher for 21 years. And in that time, I have had the privilege of helping children overcome academic and other challenges to pave the way to success. I’d like to share some of the lessons I’ve learned about achievement in school, and it’s my hope that you will find the following ideas useful as you continue to help your child strive for improved performance.
During my years of teaching, not all my efforts have yielded positive results, of course. The classroom experience — like parenting — is not like a television show in which every problem is settled in an hour. Don’t be discouraged! The stakes — a child’s future — are too high for us to shrink from our responsibilities.
Lesson 1
All children want to succeed.
Often, children who aren’t achieving their potential disguise their frustration by acting out or withdrawing. As the math enrichment teacher, I had to deal with several second graders who were especially disruptive, all because their math skills were very weak. We began to work closely, and, as their skills increased, their negative behaviors decreased. Now, they stop me in the hall and ask when I am coming to their classes! I have witnessed many similar behavior transformations when children begin to master a task.
To maximize your child’s success, break tasks into small, manageable steps. For example, if your son is struggling with double-digit addition, review basic facts. As confidence grows, your child will be willing to take chances mastering more difficult tasks. Introduce new skills slowly, while repeating learned ones. This reinforces confidence which, in turn, promotes a willingness to try new tasks. Set short-term goals, offer constructive feedback, and give rewards for meeting those milestones.
Lesson 2
Children often don’t understand the purpose of discipline.
Kids experience the same range of feelings as adults, but without the benefit of our perspective. Minor events can seem like the end of the world to them. Recently, I was dealing with one boy who is smart but careless in his work. He submitted work that was adequate, but far below his capabilities. I told him he could do better. In response, he asked if I hated him. I was shocked. I quickly explained how much I liked him, that I knew how smart he was, and how confident I was that he could do much better. The relief on his face was evident, and soon the quality of his work improved. He was realizing, and clearly demonstrating, his potential.
How can you help your child live up to his or her true potential? How can you determine if discipline (or support) is needed? Become familiar with your school’s goals for its students. Ask the teacher these questions:
• Is my child on grade level? If not, what can I do at home to help raise that level?
• How much homework should be expected?
• What is in the curriculum?
• What skills will be tested?
In this way, you’ll know what expectations are realistic for your children, when to discipline them, and where to support them. Bottom line: you’ll be able to explain to your children the reasons why you are disciplining them. Arm yourself with knowledge, share expectations, provide support and discipline when necessary, and reinforce your underlying confidence in them.
Lesson 3
Words can wound.
Don’t underestimate the importance of seemingly insignificant words. One of my students was having difficulty with math. One day, she wrote on her homework, “I am stupid.” Children do not willingly call themselves “stupid.” They would, however, come to believe they were unintelligent if they were repeatedly called that at home. This girl was sorely in need of a more positive perspective from a trusted adult. So after class, I told her that she certainly wasn’t stupid. I said she showed intelligence, because she was trying hard. The next day, grinning ear-to-ear, she proudly showed me her homework!
Words have a lasting impact, and your child takes your words to heart. You will have a positive impact by being consistent, affirming, and available to him. Become aware of the words you choose to describe him. Are you using terms that convey more negativity than you intend? You may think, your son can do better, but if you say, “You’re not being smart enough,” the child may interpret it as “I’m stupid.” Choose your words carefully. If your child is struggling, ask the teacher, guidance counselor, parent coordinator, and principal, what supportive community resources are available.
Lesson 4
You may not see the impact of your actions for a long time.
One year in December, I gave each student a card with encouraging words written on it. In June, when the students were cleaning desks, I noticed one had saved his card. He was carefully placing it between pages of his notebook. Another time, I received a letter from a former student. She was graduating from middle school and wanted to thank me for expecting her to always do her best.
Our challenge as adults is to see beyond the immediate reactions of our sons and daughters — to be confident that our consistent, positive nurturing will indeed achieve dividends in the future.
Share your hopes for, and concerns about, your child with his teacher. Ask how you can play an active role at home to reinforce success. With you and your child’s teacher functioning as a team, the chances for improvement will greatly increase. You — and your children — will not be disappointed with the results.
Andrew Schorr is a New York State-certified teacher, an author, and a tutor. Visit his website at www.SchorrService.com.
