Need to run a few errands? Get out of the house for a while for some mental health time or exercise?
Around the time your child reaches the pre-tween (tween) years, staying home alone may be an option. But, how do you know if your child is ready?
The following points will help you determine if your child is equipped to do so:
Your tween indicates he wants to stay home alone
Your child is seeking more independence and has asked you to leave him by himself. He is not anxious when you are gone and he can keep himself occupied safely.
Your tween follows your directions and rules
Your child has shown you that he can follow your expectations, even when you are not present.
You’ve witnessed your child making good choices without your input. He adheres to the guidelines you have set in place about having a friend over, watching TV or a movie, playing video games, and time spent outdoors.
Your tween is reliable and self-sufficient
Daily chores are done with little to no reminders. Your child can safely prepare simple snacks when he is hungry. He knows how to properly use the microwave and toaster. You can rely on him to use only the appliances you’ve agreed to let him use.
Your tween uses the phone properly
Your child answers the phone appropriately. He recognizes why it is all right to fib in this instance — when you are away from the house — saying you are unavailable, and how to take a message correctly.
Your tween understands safety
He is familiar with basic first-aid and knows what to do in case of a fire or other emergency. He knows to call 911 and other emergency numbers if necessary.
He knows what he can and cannot do when you are not at home. He understands that knives cannot be used without your supervision. He knows not to open the door while you are gone and what neighbors to call or go to if he needs help. He knows the “safe” meeting spot, to find you or be found, in case anything should happen. He knows where the flashlights and extra batteries are.
Although your child may know the emergency numbers, keep a list of emergency contacts and numbers in an easy-to-view place. Make sure all of your numbers are there as well. When panic or worry sets in, the brain can flood and we struggle to remember what we do know.
Have a simple chart of first aid tips close to the emergency contacts and numbers. (In our home a brightly binder labeled EMERGENCY, with our address and home phone number below, it holds contacts, emergency numbers, and basic first-aid procedures. This binder remains by the kitchen phone and comes in handy for any babysitter we hire.)
Begin slowly, leaving him alone for five to 10 minutes the first few times and build from there.
What else can you do to help your tween?
Give him something to do to structure his time. This helps alone time pass quickly.
Check in with your tween while you are gone.
Call to see if he is comfortable, has any questions, and also to keep him updated on when you will arrive back home.
This is an exciting time for your tween as he establishes more independence, with your confidence that he will do well.
Judy M. Miller, a mother of four, is training her tween son on how to be safely home alone. She is a certified Gottman-Institute Educator and the author of “What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween” and “Writing to Heal Adoption Grief: Making Connections & Moving Forward.”
Ask yourself…
Parents should know the answers to before making the decision to leave their tweens at home alone:
Is your neighborhood a safe one? Do you have neighbors that your child knows and trusts, people he can turn to if he needs help?
Is your child truthful with you? Does he regularly confide in you? Does he share his concerns and problems with you?
Does your child demonstrate good decision-making and judgment? Does you child understand basic safety procedures? Will he make the decision of safety first?
Can your child tell time? Can he calmly provide your home phone number and address and give directions to your house in case of emergency?
Does you child know your cellphone number? Be sure he knows this, 911, and any other emergency numbers.
Can your child lock and unlock your windows and doors? Does your child know the garage door code or alarm system code and password, if this applies?
Does you child stay calm when the unexpected happens? Can he stop and think rationally before letting his emotions overcome him?
Have you made “dry runs” with your child, allowing him to practice being home alone? This will give both of you confidence in your tween’s ability to stay home alone.
Do you have more than one child you will leave home alone? Can they resolve their conflicts without physical altercations and adult intervention?
Further resources for parents
Safekids (www.safekids.org/frequently-asked-questions) recommends that all children reach the age of 12 before being left alone at home, but the organization also recognizes that every child is different and encourages parents to use their own discretion.
Few states in the U.S. have regulations regarding the age a child must be before he or she can be legally left home alone. Latchkey-Kids (www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm) provides this information and links to all states.
