No, I’m not talking about the Glenn Miller song our parents used to swing to. I’m talking about those pesky mood swings for which our teenagers are infamous — one minute she’s in a fabulous mood, the next, she’s Cruella D’Evil with a hangover!
Save your breath. These are the times you need to find your sense of humor — and make a beeline to your cabinet where you store the herbal tea.
Why the drama?
Many experts say it’s normal for teens to have mood swings. We’re told we can blame them on those nasty little hormones.
“Hormones do play a part in moodiness. In the teen years, there is a perfect storm of physiologic, social, academic, family, and developmental challenges,” says Robin Goodman, PhD, director of A Caring Hand bereavement center, and a consultant to Allegheny General Hospital. “It’s a tough time for navigating the many choices and social pressures out there, which can create a great deal of stress.”
In addition, teens are also moving away from family and parents as their main source of support as they try to solidify their identity. On top of the many social and physical changes teens are coping with, many are also dealing with academic expectations and pressures due to the college search process. All of this can wreak havoc on your teen’s mood.
Goodman suggests talking “with,” not “at” your teen.
“Keep in mind that teens want to feel heard and understood,” she advises.
Don’t minimize your teen’s feelings by saying things like, “It will get better.” Remember that limits are good and help keep your teen grounded.
Time to worry … or walk away?
My daughter is full of extremes. She is either an excited chatter box, or she’s down in the dumps and refuses to tell me about her day. If she comes home from school in a dumpy mood, I’ve learned to give her space. I wait before trying to speak with her about what’s going on, and, oftentimes, if I don’t barrage her with questions, she’ll eventually want to discuss what’s bothering her, because she won’t be able to hold it in any longer.
There are times, however, when parents should not assume that the latest drama is a typical teen mood swing. Always rely on your instincts.
“Parents have a history with their teens. If they are worried, there is a good chance that there’s something of concern,” says Goodman.
She instructs parents to pay attention to signs of real difficulty, including the following behaviors, which may indicate that your teen is in trouble and might need professional help: withdrawal, isolation, low energy, worrisome changes in eating and sleeping habits, acting out physically or sexually, a sudden drop in grades, and signs of suicide, such as giving away possessions, extreme euphoria or agitation.
“When a teen’s mood is interfering with functioning at school, with friends, and with family, parents need to get to the bottom of what is going on,” she says.
On the other hand, if you sense that your teen is just going through her typical ups and downs, no need to fret. After all, you made it through those “terrible two” tantrums fairly unscathed. This, too, shall pass.
Tips and tales
“Don’t try to reason or argue with him. It will only aggravate the situation. If your teen swung into a bad mood, chances are he’ll swing out soon. Just walk away.”
Polina Banuelos, Watertown, NY
“I remind myself that teenage peer pressure is difficult. Then, I attempt to determine what has triggered my daughter’s mood swing. When all else fails, I head to Starbucks and purchase her a soothing tea latte.”
Clarissa Goins, Poughkeepsie, NY
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Your teen has a bad case of spring fever. How do you help him stay focused?
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Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer and columnist specializing in parenting issues and children’s development. Her work appears in publications across the United States and Canada. She is the mother of two teenagers.
