Surprise, surprise – I’m posting two Real Housewives-themed blogs in succession!
Yesterday, I posted how different life would be if I were a Real Housewife, and today I realize I sort of am. How could that possibly be, you ask, considering the vast cosmetic and pseudo-celebrity differences between myself and the Housewives? Well, through the beauty of Bravo-on-Demand, I see Real Housewives of New York cast member Alex McCord now shares a home office with her husband, Simon. One look at that closed-in, gray-walled, dungeon-like space and I could feel her pain.
My husband works from home. Other than that he has very few similarities to Simon. He doesn’t prepare my tea using full-service silver and he has no interest in fashion. What makes me identify with Alex — a lovely woman I interviewed a few years back in the kitchen of her newly renovated and curiously decorated Brooklyn townhouse — is how tricky it can be to negotiate a work-time space and mindset with your at-home spouse.
Alex had to remind Simon that they wouldn’t be drinking at lunch. My husband doesn’t drink at lunch, but thinks nothing of stretching his legs and chewing the fat regardless of how fast my fingers are typing, or how intently hunched over my computer I am. In his mind this work-from-home arrangement gives us long stretches of time without the kids, why not have a chat? A little lunch? An aren’t-you-glad-we-don’t-need-Cialis-yet moment.
Good point. It is lovely to have live/work time together. And yet, I find myself thinking of my grandmother who went out and got her first job the week my grandfather retired. He was perplexed. She was exhausted, but happy.
Alone time is good. Time apart can be real conversation-starters. Lately I find myself thinking wistfully back to when we’d catch up in the evening; ask each other about our respective days and genuinely not know every last detail.
Of course, it’s easy to romanticize the past. My husband was really unhappy at that job he used to come home from. He’s where he should be now; running his own business, growing as an entrepreneur. And now that the kids are older, I have the freedom to pursue writing the way I want to write. Life as a freelancer is a juggle, there’s little security, but I do have flexibility with my time and my life. This year, when my brother was sick, I could visit him every day. If my kids’ have a daytime event, big or small, I can be there.
My grandmother used to say life is about choices. So, right now, the husband and I are choosing to pursue our professional interests from home. There’s a definite live/work blur running through our apartment. It can be frustrating. There are times when moving the car for alternate side of the street parking can be a welcome relief. But when there’s a business high or low, we’re there for one another. Every day. And whatever distractions we have to fend off, with desks, and phones, and computers just a few feet apart, I can’t think of a better office mate.
