In June, two of my best friends from Lincoln High School in Brooklyn—both of whom ultimately settled in California, one in the San Francisco area, one in Los Angeles—returned with me to our childhood neighborhoods of Brighton Beach and Coney Island to have a reunion of our own. Both of them married and had children earlier than I did, and one of the things we talked about—when we weren’t reverting to complete goofballs—was our various thoughts on raising teens, a journey they’ve both made, and one that I’m just beginning with my 14-year-old daughter, Elena.
It turned out that one of my buddies, an utter neurotic about so many things, had made a decision to be a hands-off parent (or whatever you’d call the opposite of a helicopter parent)—and apparently stuck by it. So while he’d certainly offer his own opinion on issues of importance in his children’s lives, he wouldn’t force them to abide by his views. By giving them more independence, he hoped he was helping them be more independent. “As I see it, I’m playing the long game,” he said, suggesting that, in choosing a hands-off approach, he was placing a bet on the character-building power of self-reliance.
The idea of playing the long game as a parent resonated with me on impact; and I’ve since held it up as a kind of guiding ideal as I try to be a less strong-willed and more easy-going parent. More open to the possibilities. Less directive. Less prescriptive.
I suppose that a parenting magazine, done well, is mix of short-game and long-game ideas, stuff for immediate use and stuff to reflect upon. I feel like this issue offers so much of both and I want to highlight it all (but for that we have a Table of Contents). For starters though, I eagerly point you to two chats about the parenting life—one with our cover mom, Suzanne Johnson, and one with Nancy Redd, of HuffPost Live
Have a happy October,
Eric Messinger
Editor, [email protected]
