[Special Editor’s Note: On Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 7:30pm, Dr. Harvey Karp will star in a special live event, Parent’s Night Out with The Happiest Baby & Happiest Toddler, for expecting moms and dads, and parents of infants and toddlers, at local movie theaters. Watch as Dr. Karp reveals the surprising tips and tricks that have made his celebrated books and DVDs among the top parenting guides in history. Tickets are on sale now at fathomevents.com.]
Pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp has done more to transform how parents comfort and quiet their babies than almost any other expert. Now, the author of The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block is back with more must-have advice. In his latest book (which comes out this month), The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep, Dr. Karp shares his snoozing secrets for babies through preschoolers. Here, he shares why you shouldn’t hesitate to wake a sleeping baby and why bedtime starts in the morning.
After writing The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block, why did you decide to write a book solely focused on sleep?
Sleep is the number one complaint that new parents have. There were so many things I observed that I felt weren’t properly communicated about [it].
The idea that you can teach your baby to sleep better is comforting. But, is it really possible?
[Of] the vast majority of people whose children have sleep problems, it’s because they’ve trained their child to expect sleep. So if we can train them to the wrong expectation, why wouldn’t we be able to train them to the right expectation?
What are most parents doing wrong when it comes to sleep training?
The first thing is, they’re doing nothing for the first three or four months because they’re being told there’s nothing you can do. But, we know that babies learn even before they’re born, and certainly in the very first week of life you can see your baby learning… So the biggest mistake is to wait three or four months before you start establishing those [healthy sleep] cues. The next biggest mistake is to establish the wrong cues. And then the next biggest mistake is to think that your only other option at that point is to let them cry it out.
What are the biggest myths about baby and toddler sleep?
The biggest myth about infants and older kids is that any child sleeps through the night. We all wake up in the middle of the night. We just roll over and go back to sleep. So the goal is not to have a child sleep through the night. The goal is to have a child who can get themselves back to sleep when they wake up if they’re not really hungry or needing you.
One almost heretical idea you recommend is that you should never put a baby to bed while already asleep. I can hear parents gasping!
[Laughing] At that point people hang up on me!… If the goal is for your child to learn to fall asleep on their own in the middle of the night when they wake up, assuming they don’t need you for some important reason, then you need to start teaching them to do that. Otherwise they only learn one way to fall asleep—being rocked or nursed or cuddled… So let them fall asleep in your arms; that’s not a problem. But when you put them in bed, tickle them a little bit, scratch the bottom of their feet a bit, jostle them. Get them to open their eyes and look around just a teeny bit.
How do you feel about parents letting their baby “cry it out” as a sleep training strategy?
We’ve done a good job teaching [babies] that crying works to get our attention. That’s really what we spend the first three or four months trying to teach our children. We don’t really want our kids to be suddenly learning, “you’re going to cry in a dark room all by yourself forever, and no one’s going to come and get you”. Having said that, sometimes if you’ve gotten into a bad habit…crying it out is not the most terribly traumatizing thing in the world…when you do it correctly.
How can good sleep help protect babies and children against obesity?
One thing is that when you’re sleep-deprived it changes your metabolic balance so you become insulin-resistant. You change the hormonal balance in the body so even if you’re eating the same number of calories you tend to gain weight more easily. And then of course if you’re tired, you’re more mopey so you’re less likely to exercise, and then you’re more impulsive in your decision making. Studies are showing now that in toddlers who are sleeping under nine or ten hours a night they end up having more obesity and more attention issues when they get to be preschoolers.
You say that for older babies and toddlers bedtime starts in the morning. How so?
Bedtime is all about cooperation, feeling respected, feeling that you got a lot during the day that made you so in love with your mom and dad that you’re going to follow what they want at night even though you don’t want to. So that means [parents offering] a lot of choice-giving, respectful listening during the day, sympathizing with their children’s feelings, good communication…so that you don’t get into power struggles at night.
What else can parents to do?
One specific thing that I really like people to practice during the day is to make a Beddy-Bye book about the nighttime routine. Take photographs or cut out pictures from magazines or do drawings. Review that with your child during the day, review it before naptime. What happens is that your child starts to anticipate what is supposed to happen at night and is more likely to go along with what is expected… [Also], immediately before bedtime it isn’t just: brush your teeth, read a story, go to bed. For many kids you should give their brains cues like dimming the lights, turning off bright screens and turning on white noise in the background.
Tell us more about your work with toddlers.
For me, the toddler work is much more important than the baby work, [because] what happens between eight months and five years of age becomes the foundation for who your child is going to be for the rest of their lives and the relationship you’re going to have with them… In part, it’s about lessening temper tantrums, but much more, these [parenting] skills are about good communication, teaching patience, helping kids feel confident, respected and helping them develop intimate relations.
Give us an example.
One helpful concept is magic breathing. Even at two or three years of age you can start teaching your child how to take relaxing breaths. Ultimately that becomes a very powerful tool for the rest of your life.
So what should parents do when trying to help their toddlers and preschoolers cope with fears at bedtime?
A big mistake some parents make is they think that if they acknowledge somebody’s fears, they’re validating or encouraging them. It’s important to understand that emotions never go away unless they’re aired and have a chance to be respectfully heard.
If you could convince every parent in America to follow one piece of sleep advice, what would it be?
[Laughing] To buy the book!
Jenna Helwig, Founder of Rosaberry, is a culinary instructor, personal chef and freelance writer. She blogs for Yummy Delicious at www.newyorkfamily.com.
To read a full profile of Dr. Harvey Karp, see “The Happiest Doctor.”
