Dear Dr. Karyn,
I’ve got three kids – one aged 10 and 16-year-old twins. How can I get my kids to talk more than one word answers? I’m tired of asking the same questions and hearing “fine,” “good,” and “ok.”
How can I have more meaningful conversations with my kids?
Dear parent,
Great news — we have the solution! I’m thrilled to announce that we have created a wonderful, free tool to help foster meaningful conversations at the dinner table! Together with Maple Leaf Foods and UNICEF, we created a deck of cards called “Making Meals Meaningful.” There are two decks of cards — one for parents of kids ages 5 to 9 and the other for teens 10 to 16. Each deck contains 50 questions that will generate thought-provoking discussions around themes such as empathy, compassion, generosity, selflessness, and acceptance.
The best thing about these cards is that ALL of the questions were created by kids and teens themselves (thanks to the many schools and camps who partnered with us on this)! To receive your free deck of cards, simply go to www.unicef.ca.
Use the three tips below to help make meals meaningful with your family! Be sure to spread the word about this practical tool for families!
Create the mood and turn off distractions
Be sure to have your meal ready and your table set, so you are not getting up and down from the table (which greatly inhibits conversation flow). Also, turn off distractions such as cellphones, and teach your family that if your phone rings during mealtime, everyone is to let it go to voicemail. Research tells us that for kids to open up they need to see their parents relaxed and emotionally and physically present! Finally, aim to have a minimum of 20 to 30 minutes for your meal. If kids feel rushed, they will clam up!
Explain ‘Making Meals Meaningful’ cards
Tell your kids that you heard about “Making Meals Meaningful” and thought it would be a fun way to hear about their ideas and thoughts. The purpose of the cards is to encourage two-way discussion and share stories, so be careful not to make this into a one-way lecture! If kids feel safe, they will talk more. If they sense they will be lectured or talked at, they will shut down.
Ask which child or teen wants to be the facilitator
When you are sitting at the table, ask your kids (whether they are 6 or 16 years old) who wants to be the facilitator for cards. The person in this role has three responsibilities:
• Choose the questions (depending on time you could answer one to two questions per meal).
• Ask each person around the table his thoughts on the question — the goal is to get everyone involved!
• Ensure that no one is interrupting or cutting others off.
It may be helpful for a parent to be the first facilitator, so you can model to kids exactly what the facilitator does. However, after the first meal, pass this role on to your kids. It gets them involved and provides a simple way for them to practice their leadership skills.
Dr. Karyn is a best-selling author of “Dr. Karyn’s Guide To The Teen Years” (Harper Collins), motivational speaker, parenting expert specializing in Generation Y (13 to 32 year olds), TV personality, and founder of dk Leadership. Visit her at www.dkleadership.org or on Twitter at @DrKarynGordon.
