Dear Dr. Karyn,
I teach high school, and I’m extremely frustrated with the attitude of entitlement I see not just among my own students — but even with some of our younger teaching staff that I manage. I grew up in a time when people were taught to be thankful; ask, not demand; and show up early. Where does this attitude of entitlement come from, and most importantly, what can we do about it? I’d love to have some insight on this, especially before I head back to school! Thanks in advance.
To many managers, teachers, and even parents — members of Generation Y (people born in the early 1980s and into the early 2000s) — seem spoiled. I often hear that they are a “selfish generation with unrealistic expectations” about their career and the world of work, and “six months into the job, they want to be vice president.” Having worked closely with this generation for 18 years and spent more than 10,000 hours listening to them, I’ve discovered that, in reality, this generation is grossly misunderstood, resulting in frequent, unnecessary generational clashes at work, school, and even home. Enjoy reading my opinion about the causes and solutions for this attitude of entitlement!
Causes
Generation Y, also called Millennials, is seen as overly confident and arrogant. But the reality is arrogance is usually a cover-up for lack of confidence, and this generation uses it as a “mask” to shield an incredible amount of insecurity, anxiety about unfulfilled expectations, and paralysis at the thought of receiving any kind of negative feedback.
These people were raised in the “era of overindulgence.” Their well-intentioned parents (often baby boomers) micro-managed their children, told them what to do and what not to do, and rescued them from experiencing the consequences of their mistakes. Unfortunately, what most of these over-functioning parents didn’t realize is that they encouraged their children to under-function. Basically, these children grew up expecting this sort of treatment from everyone and came to believe it was something they were entitled to, rather than viewing it as a privilege.
These parents were also being encouraged to praise their kids and build their self-esteem. Praise is extremely important, but so is giving constructive feedback. If parents only ever give praise, children never learn how to properly deal with feedback, which results in the struggle many have now.
During this period in history, marketers were realizing just how much purchasing power Gen Y had, and promoted the “buy now, pay later” mentality, at the same time the internet found its way into households. These two variables reinforced a very powerful instant gratification mindset.
Overall, as a culture, we made things too easy, and it’s important that preceding generations claim responsibility in this.
I have discovered in my research that Generation Yers agree that behind the “masks,” they feel enormous insecurity and anxiety, find it extremely difficult to hear any negative feedback, and struggle to make decisions. So what can we do about it?
Solutions
Seek to understand and learn from them
It’s easy to blame and point fingers, yet the reality is — as I described earlier — as a culture, we have taught them this way! My challenge is for all of us to look inward, not outward. Instead of blaming them, we need to be asking a few questions: What can I learn from Gen Y? What can they learn from us? Simply changing our perception toward them will radically change how we communicate to them, and how they communicate back to us.
Praise and challenge them with respect
There is power in praise, but only if it’s authentic, honest, and specific; if it’s not, don’t bother. It’s also important to challenge them, but your tone is essential. As long as managers challenge with respect, younger workers will be more open to hear it and will want to please you.
Throw assumptions out the window and be clear about your expectations
Generation Y people grew up having others rescue them from consequences, so having boundaries may be new to them. You think some expectations should be “so obvious” to them (i.e. they need to ask for time off, instead of demand it), but they may not be aware of it. To set expectations, use a tone of respect and outline what you need from them, what rewards they will receive for work well done, and the consequences they will face if job expectations are not met.
This generation has many strengths: they are extremely passionate, they dream big, they love to learn, and they are refreshingly honest. Remember, the goal is not just to reveal the truth about Generation Yers, or even to “fix them,” but to better understand them so organizations can help them achieve all they are capable of!
Dr. Karyn Gordon is one of North America’s leading relationship and parenting experts. She is a regular contributor to “Good Morning America,” founder of dk Leadership, best-selling author of “Dr. Karyn’s Guide To The Teen Years” (Harper Collins), and motivational speaker to a quarter of a million people. Visit her at www.dklea
