Dating can be complicated — singles often need the help of friends, family, and, perhaps, a professional to help sort things out. Dating can be even more complicated when you or your potential dates have children.
For just one moment, forget that you’re a parent and think about yourself. This can be hard, especially for a custodial parent, since so much time and energy goes into raising kids.
If you are thinking about getting back on the dating scene, it helps to use your free time during the week to go out and meet people. Think about what it is you want out of life, and then go out and get it.
They say that misery loves company — but no one really wants to date or even befriend a miserable person, so do the things that make you happy.
Here’s how single parents can keep their priorities straight while navigating the tricky world of dating:
Make time for yourself
The kids may keep you busy, but make sure to remember that you need some “me” time.
“You have to remember to make time for yourself; to be around other adults and to do adult things,” says Mario, a widower raising kids in Astoria.
He says his schedule is so jam-packed sometimes that all he can do is meet his love interests for coffee and conversation, but says that most of the women he dates are understanding.
“But I also let them know that I am ready for a serious relationship, if the right one comes along.”
Good for Mario — he is meeting potential mates, knows what he wants and has a plan that doesn’t interfere with his parenting to make it happen.
Have fun
What do you want out of life this week — to make it to the gym? It could be that your true love is waiting for you there. Keeping your commitments to do things for yourself will help you to find a relationship that might work for you. Even better if you are doing things that you love, because it gives that special someone a chance to meet you when you are happy. Things are likely to go better when you are enjoying life, because the law of attraction is working in your favor. People that are happy attract more happy people to themselves.
Volunteer
If you are looking for a friendship based on mutual interests that might go somewhere, a connection through a group activity or volunteering might work.
Bronx resident Linda says she met her husband at the perfect time.
“When I wasn’t looking. It was the furthest thing from my mind,” she says. The couple met doing volunteer work for an environmental organization in New York and has been married for what Linda calls, “The best 12 years of my life.”
Online dating
According to statistics, about 20 million people have been to a dating site at least once. In looking for love, it can be nerve-wracking to create a profile, but it is an important piece of getting people to react and want to meet you in person.
Dating sites like SingleParent.com are specifically for single parents.
A positive attitude, intelligence and high self-esteem are key in getting dates.
The online dating site eHarmony celebrated its 10 year anniversary in 2010 and reported on average, 540 eHarmony couples get married every day, up from 90 couples per day in 2006.
Most men using the site say that they are looking for a woman who appreciates them “for who they are and who’s not going to try to change them,” says Greg Waldorf, the company’s CEO.
Women, apparently, are looking to find men who are dependable, reliable and good communicators — someone who tells the truth.
“You tend to find those things, interestingly, no matter where you travel, no matter where you go…I can say this based on [research from] Asian countries, North America, South America…these are really universal qualities,” says Waldorf.
However, there is always a risk in meeting someone in person when the relationship started online. Be on the lookout for scam artists and people that want to meet offline too quickly. It is better to use the dating site as a buffer to keep from giving out your personal information too soon. According to OKCupid — the Google of online dating — height is one of the top three things American men lie about on online dating sites, while women are more likely to lie about their weight and build.
. . .
Ultimately, dating is not up to the children and is not about the children. But, it if you are a single parent looking for long-term love, it may be better to mingle with people who have kids, want kids, or don’t mind if you have kids. Kids can be a deal breaker, even for those skilled in the art of finding love.
Candi Sparks is the author of the “Can I Have Some Money?” book series. You can follow her on Twitter and Facebook as Candi Sparks (writer).
