Dear Twins: My son is 24 years old. He still lives with me. Is there a right time to ask a 20-something child to move out of the family house?
Jacqueline says: At 20-something, your child is certainly mature enough to live on his own. The question is: does he have the financial means to do so? If the answer is “yes,” then bon voyage!
Kerry says: You are very vague and don’t mention whether it is you or he that wants your son to move out, so it’s hard to give advice on how to handle the situation. For example, are you at your wit’s end, because he refuses to get a job and live on his own, or is he ready to go but is afraid of leaving you alone? Whichever the case, as Jacqueline already mentioned, at 20-something, he is old enough to make it on his own. The right time to ask your child to move out is when he has reached a level of maturity in age and also has the necessary financial means to do so. If your child does not have the financial means but insists on moving out, you will then have to ask him if he is making the right decision.
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Dear Twins: My little girl loves to eat. I am worried, as she is much heavier than her classmates. Should I talk to her, and how do I tell my young child that she is becoming obese?
Jacqueline says: I’m not sure I would use the word “obese” per se, but you should tell her that you are worried about her health, because she is seriously overweight. Obesity is a major cause of heart disease, stroke and other serious health problems. So you are not doing her any favors by sparing her feelings. Be straight up with her about your concern. One out of every five children between the ages of 6 and 17 is overweight. Then, start by changing the household diet to good, healthy, low-fat foods. For example, prepare more veggies and lean proteins for dinner; feed your family low-sugar breakfast cereals and add fresh fruit; try substituting whole-wheat pasta, low-fat chips, and whole-grain, low-sugar granola bars for the high-fat variety. There are so many delicious variations of healthy foods to choose from that your child may not even notice the difference.
Kerry says: While I agree with Jacqueline, I don’t think I would drop a bomb like that, then leave her hanging. What I mean is, I would tell her your concern, however, I would be ready to back it up with some fun and incentives. For every few pounds she loses, offer her a rewarding surprise. You chose what you can afford but something she will look forward to.
I suggest you also include physical activities that she might enjoy to help her learn that it’s healthy to stay active, like designing your own backyard obstacle course for her and her friends. Include a course around tree stumps, cones or boxes, and a water or sand pit for the kids to jump across. To keep it fun, you can incorporate challenges such as “Stop in your tracks and do 20 jumping jacks!” Try incorporating timed races, too. Your child will learn that it is both healthy and fun to be active.
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Dear Twins: How do I get my kids to eat more vegetables?
Kerry says: I would try adding it to their foods by finely chopping it in or pureeing it in their dishes. For example, you might shred carrots and mix it into their spaghetti sauce or add it to their hamburgers. Try pureeing fruits in their desserts or add fresh fruit in their gelatin. Serve tiny vegetables, like baby carrots and celery with fun appetizer dips. Make casseroles with more finely chopped vegetables to the sauce. You can add veggies into tuna or chicken salad, too.
Jacqueline says: While you can try sneaking veggies and fruits in their foods, it’s a far better idea to try and get them to eat it on their own. Start by getting your kids involved and making it fun by having them create their very own vegetable dish of their choosing. Let them get competitive about it by having them each create their own. They are more apt to eat it, if they had a say in the shopping, preparing and creating of a dish. It takes a child five or six times to see a fruit and vegetable before he will try it, so keep introducing them to new fruits and veggies.
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Dear Twins: My two daughters are always fighting! Last week, they fought over who was sitting in the front seat of the car. They pulled each other’s hair out! How do I handle all the fighting?
Jacqueline says: It’s normal that sisters fight (right, Kerry?), so try not to intervene, unless there is physical violence. You need some ground rules. The rules include absolutely no hitting, name-calling or tattling. It’s important to talk to them separately and when they are calm. Give special attention to your daughters by having “private time” with each of them. Allow them to fully communicate their issues with their sibling and come up with a mutual solution. Make sure they realize that physical violence will lead to punishment, which you can mutually agree to before it happens.
Kerry says: Lead by example. How do you handle conflict and resolve disagreements? Take note of what issues or events start a fight. If they are fighting over who walks the dog, then set a chore chart, so it’s clear whose chore is whose. Be sure that each child has personal space to themselves, and don’t play favorites!
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Dear Twins: My child is far behind his peers in numbers and speech. I’m worried. Should I be concerned that he’s slow? How can I tell if my child has a learning disability?
Kerry says: Some signs and signals of a possible learning disability include: poor grades; reading, writing or math problems; communication problems; difficulty paying attention; inability to remember skills or tasks; feelings of low self-esteem; being easily frustrated or acting out. If you see some of these signs, contact your child’s teacher, who will probably first suggest interventions, such as testing, special education instructors, and speaking with the school psychologist and guidance counselor. If the problem persists after you’ve exhausted all these interventions, then you might be looking at a possible learning disability.
Jacqueline says: Children learn at different rates during early childhood. However, if your child has trouble with numbers or speech, he might have a learning disability. Learning disabilities are a category of disorders and affect how the child’s brain processes the information, which makes some concepts very difficult to understand. That said, children with learning disabilities tend to actually have normal to above normal intelligence, with the trouble being expressing their knowledge. Thus, as a result, they often feel frustrated or depressed, or lack self-esteem, rather than these being actual signs of a learning disability. Your child may know just what he wants to say or write, but simply takes a different path at getting there.
