Adoption: More than half of all Americans have been touched by it and 30 percent have considered it as a way to create or expand their families.
Inter-country adoption and domestic infant adoption are two typical ways for families to move from consideration of adoption to action. Yet for many, the notion of foster care adoption can feel too difficult with many unknowns and continues to be burdened by negative myths and misconceptions.
When Dave Thomas, the iconic founder of Wendy’s, created the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption in 1992, he insisted that we generate a laser-like focus on the most special of children — children in the foster care system who are waiting for adoptive homes. As an adoptee, he understood the complexities of the systems and, most important, the needs of children waiting to be adopted in the United States.
“These children are not someone else’s responsibility,” he often said, “they are our responsibility.”
During the past 18 years, the foundation has successfully increased both the awareness of this cause and the need for qualified, well-supported foster and adoptive parents. We know that there are children who need families and that there are families who want to adopt. It is our job to bring the two together.
Misconceptions about adoption:
• It is too expensive to adopt. In reality, foster care adoption is not expensive, typically averaging nothing to $1,500, and financial support is available to families who adopt from foster care. Subsidies follow most of the children in foster care until they are 18 years old, many employers provide adoption benefits, federal and state tax credits are available and assistance for college expenses of older youth is increasingly available.
• Children in foster care are juvenile delinquents. Nothing could be further from the truth. Children enter the foster care system through no fault of their own, and as a result of abuse, neglect and/or abandonment. More than half of the children waiting in foster care for adoptive homes are age 8 or older, and nearly 30 percent are age 12 or older. Unfortunately, each year about 20 percent of the children waiting to be adopted turn age 18 and leave the system without families. These are the children who may fall back into the system without the supports needed to grow and thrive. These children deserve our best efforts to find them the families we promised when they were permanently separated from their families of birth.
• The biological parents can try to have the children returned. Once a child has been made legally free for adoption, birth parents cannot claim a child or petition for his or her return. Foster care adoption is permanent. The adoptive parents may decide to maintain contact with the child’s extended biological family, based on what is best for the child, but that is a choice of the adoptive family.
• Single individuals cannot adopt. Unmarried individuals are legally able to adopt in all 50 states. Nearly 30 percent of the children adopted from foster care last year were adopted by single parents.
Additionally, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption provides free resources to help families navigate the foster care adoption process and assure that every child can have their birthright — a family of their own.
True stories
“I dreamed and hoped for a mommy and a daddy, and a good mommy and daddy, too.”
— Tyler, age 6
“There are so many children whose lives are broken when they are born, so we looked into adoption. All of our girls have been the biggest joys in our life. In a grander way than we imagined possible. It is our greatest hope that they will grow up knowing they are loved and have opportunities.”— Ceclia B.
“The plan was to get married and have a family, but everything didn’t happen that way. We considered foster care adoption but we were afraid, afraid of the process and how difficult it might be. After meeting a family who adopted four siblings, we realized a large family is what we hoped for someday, too. Once we were certified to adopt, we received a call about two sisters who were at risk for being separated and needed a permanent home. We said, ‘There is a reason they have been together through everything and we are going to keep them together.’ They called us Mom and Dad from the very first meeting. It was just the confirmation that they were going to be our family. It was love at first sight for us. It was a miracle for them to come and be a part of our lives.”
— Charlie and Robin R.
“After adopting our 10-year-old daughter from foster care, I remember the first time I ever received a gift as a mom. It was a locket that said ‘Mom’ on it. When I opened the card, it said, ‘I am so happy I finally have a forever mother.’ And she signed it, ‘Love, your daughter.’ It was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. We now have two beautiful daughters and it is the best thing that ever happened. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”— Sheri M.
Facts at a glance
• 463,000: Children are in US foster care as a result of abuse, neglect and/or abandonment
• 114,000: Children in foster care waiting to be adopted
• Eight: The average age of a child waiting got be adopted
• Four and a half: The number of years a child waits to be adopted
• 30,000: Annually, the number of children who turn 18 and leave the foster care system without a family
Ten steps to adopt
“A Child is Waiting: A Step By Step Guide to Adoption,” a free handbook provided by the foundation, helps to clarify the terminology, responds to frequently asked questions, and guides potential adoptive parents through 10 steps to adopt, including:
• Decide what type of adoption to pursue: do some self-research and understand adoption and your willingness to accept, love and commit unconditionally and permanently to a child.
• Learn about the cost to adopt and the resources available to assist with the expenses, including adoption subsidies, tax credits and employer benefits; adopting from foster care costs very little.
• Investigate and select an adoption agency: research public and private agencies to understand their processes, policies and practices.
• Work with the adoption agency to complete an application and any required paperwork, attend meetings and orientation sessions, network with other adoptive parents and ask questions.
• Complete a home study and any required adoption preparation classes; learn as much as you can about the dynamics of adoption, childhood development and the special issues and experiences of children in foster care.
• Begin the matching process with a child or sibling group of children, determine what age child you are looking for and how flexible you are in growing your family, learn as much as you can about the child and background of the children with whom you are matched.
• Prepare for the child’s arrival: amend health insurance policies, obtain original birth certificates, secure new Social Security numbers, finalize school enrollment, negotiate adoption subsidies, make your home child-friendly and support children already in the home.
• Bring the child home: petition the court to adopt, understand the legal process and work with the adoption agency.
• Finalize the adoption in court: adoption is a legal process and the beginning of your new family — celebrate!
• Take advantage of post-adoption services and resources, from parent support groups and professional services to employer-based benefits.
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We remain committed to three core beliefs: That every child deserves to live in a safe, loving and permanent home; no child should linger in foster care or leave the system at age 18 without a permanent family; and every child is adoptable.
Most important, we believe that these children are not someone else’s responsibility. They are our responsibility.
Rita Soronen is the executive director of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. The Foundation is a national nonprofit public charity dedicated to dramatically increasing the adoptions of the more than 150,000 children waiting in North America’s foster care systems. Created by Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas, who was adopted, the foundation implements results-driven national signature programs, foster care adoption awareness initiatives and research-based advocacy efforts. As the only foundation dedicated exclusively to foster care adoption, we are driven by Dave’s simple value: Do what’s best for the child.
