Changing screen habits

Perhaps you’ve encouraged a variety of social activities and have found creative outlets for quality family time, but you still find that your child is spending too much time with his face glued to a screen. You would prefer that he learns to control his own behavior, but you are finding that he is unable to do so.

It’s time that you monitor his tech time, set specific guidelines and, if necessary, utilize parental controls so you can be certain he is not spending all of his free time with his smartphone, iPad, gaming device, or other tech toy.

Why monitor tech use time?

According to a 2015 national survey conducted by Common Sense Media, tweens spend approximately six hours a day with technological media and teens spend approximately nine hours per day. This included gaming, cellphone use, social media, watching TV and videos, listening to music, and computer use (including making digital art and programming), but it excluded time spent with technology doing homework.

However, many experts agree that children learn best by real-world experience and interaction, and that limiting technology use in order to maintain a balance of non-tech social experiences is extremely important for a child’s social and emotional development.

“When you hear the statistics about how much kids are attached to their social media, text messaging, and all things tech, it can be quite concerning,” says Sue Scheff, a nationally recognized parenting advocate, author, and founder and president of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts Inc.

She says it’s easier with younger kids because parents are the ones arranging and monitoring play dates.

“However, with your tweens and teens it comes back to communication. If you feel they are spending too much time online, share your concerns and give them some ideas for constructive offline activities,” she says.

Dr. Lisa Strohman, a clinical psychologist, co-author of “Unplug: Raising Kids in a Technology Addicted World,” and founder of Technology Wellness Center (www.technologywellnesscenter.com) warns parents of the affect long periods of time using electronics can have on kids’ brains.

“The longer kids are connected — and studies now show over six hours a day — the more it’s affecting their brain development.”

She reports that MRI studies show that the brain starts to atrophy with obsessive, prolonged technology use.

“Addiction to technology during the teen years will also affect students going off to college.”

She reports that kids have the highest susceptibility to create change in their brains between the ages of 13 and 20. So, these are critical years for brain development.

Setting guidelines for kids and teens

As with all other aspects of parenting, it’s all about setting up rules and being involved with your children, according to an October 2015 article written by Dr. Ari Brown, Dr. David Hill, and Dr. Donald Shifrin, titled “Beyond Turn it Off: How to Advise Families on Media use” (American Academy of Pediatrics).

“The same parenting rules apply to your children’s real and virtual environments. Play with them. Set limits. Be involved. Know their friends and where they are going with them,” they write.

Common Sense Media suggests a screen-time schedule.

“If you’re concerned about heavy media use, consider creating a schedule that works for your family. This can include weekly screen-time limits and the kinds of screens kids can use. Get your kids’ input so the plan teaches media literacy and self-regulation.”

And the early you start, the better.

“For those who have young children, start early with device boundaries and guidelines,” advises Scheff. “Set up tech limits that fit your individual family. Starting early can really help your kids with a healthy digital life.”

For parents who have already given their tweens and teens smartphones without limits, she reminds, “You’re paying the bill for their privilege.”

Scheff also suggests family meetings to go over expectations:

• Set a time to unplug (i.e. during homework time)

• Find a place where devices are stashed during meals

• No devices during social events

• Set consequences for breaking the rules

Privacy and parental controls

It’s true that it can be extremely difficult to physically monitor your children’s tech time. Therefore, some parents opt for parental control software and devices to monitor and limit their children’s tech or online activities.

“Let your kids know their actions online are public and permanent. It’s not about ‘I think you’re making bad decisions.’ It’s about safety,” says Strohman.

She explains that more kids are now getting cellphones by age 6, and that children at this age cannot possibly understand the complicated aspects of online safety and protocol. “Children should be told as early as possible that cellphones and technology are not equal to privacy.”

Scheff says that while setting parental controls can certainly help, parents should always stay involved.

“I do believe in parental controls; however, it should never replace parenting,” Scheff states. “My philosophy has always been: when safety trumps privacy, that’s when you have to take it to another level of possible snooping. This is when you suspect your child is in danger or at risk, and they aren’t opening up to you.”

She stresses that parents must continue their offline chats every day to check in with their child about cyber health.

“New surveys are coming out regularly about how much time kids are spending online and how it can cause depression and possible addiction, not to mention cyberbullying. Growing up is hard enough without having to deal with social media pressure, too. As a parent, you must be present on all levels.”

Myrna Beth Haskell is an award-winning author, columnist, and feature writer. Her work has appeared in national and regional publications across the U.S. as well as internationally (www.myrnahaskell.com). She is also cofounder and managing editor of “Sanctuary” (www.sanctuary-magazine.com).