A guest post by Natasha Deen
What can a parent do if their kid is being bullied? An adult can often feel as helpless as their child when bullying strikes, but there are tools that families can use to prevent and even put an end to bullying. —
October is National Bullying Prevention Month. To help our children better understand the bullying dynamic, boost their confidence and feel comfortable enough to tell a trustworthy
adult about it, True Grime author Natasha Deen has 13 suggestions for what kids can do if they’re being bullied.
(And don’t miss this great article on when bullying strikes, along with our October issue coverage of the truth about bullying.)
1. Recognize it’s not about them. Easily said, not so easily
done, but it’s the truth. A bully is bullying because of their issues, not
yours.
2. Set up battle lines in your mind. Feminist Sally Kempton
said, ““It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.” Dr. Phil
echoed this statement on CNN’s Town Hall (Anderson Cooper 360). One of the most
terrible things about bullying is the way those words and actions seep into
your unconscious. As soon as you’re having words fired at you, strap on the Kevlar
shield of “thought stopping.” Hear the words, then think of three reasons why
they’re not true. And keep repeating them to yourself. It really
does work.
3. Find an adult. A teacher, a parent, a priest, a rabbi—anyone
who can interfere and stop the bullying.
4. If the adult you go to won’t do anything, find another one.
The war is your mind, don’t let the bully win. Search out the authority figure
that will hold the bully accountable.
5. Find allies. Whether that means someone at school like
a teacher, the guidance counselor or an internet support group, make sure you
get people in your corner. Not because they’ll necessarily fight your battle
for you, but because they are an emotional support and a soft place to fall.
6. If you can’t find a support group, start one of your own. A
bully’s tactic is to isolate you, make you feel alone. By finding other people,
you’ve already knocked out one of their weapons. (A simple search
“anti-bullying support groups” can help you find people in your community.)
7. If you live in a rural setting or there are no groups, then
look for national call centers. In the US:
National Bullying Prevention Center:
1-800-537-2237
8. Get help as often as you need. If that means phoning the help line every hour, do it. It’s
all about being proactive and getting the help.
9. Find a safe place in the school. I used to eat by the
office. Because of the teachers coming in and out, I was less likely to be a
target. Ditto with spending lunch in the library. It may not be glamorous and
it may not be what media wants us to believe about being a target (the movies
always have this glorious confrontation, and tend to equate walking away with
cowardice), but that’s the difference between life and fantasy. Life is about
making the smart decisions that keep you safe.
10. Do your homework. Bullying feels primitive and scary, and it
is. But it’s also a problem and truth is, you’re smart and competent.
Make it a family project—can you and your parents find an alternative school?
Can you find an ally with the principal (and if not, what’s the next level?).
The truth is this: what your parents remember about bullying is not what
bullying looks like today. As you educate them, you educate yourself.
11. Talk, talk, talk. Find people who will help. In a
weird way, I found my bullying experience sort of freeing. I didn’t have
friends and that sucked, but because I didn’t have to “save face” I was able to
take risks to protect myself. For example, one of the worst things for me was
group projects. Especially when I was stuck with
kids who didn’t want their desks to touch mine. So, I went to my teachers,
explained what was going on and asked to be able to do projects on my own. Some
teachers gave the standard “rise above it, ignore them” spiel that made me
wonder if they were secretly working for the bullies, but some teachers
understood. They were rare, but those moments gave me breathing room. And
sometimes, that’s all you need.
12. Unplug. Stop reading the posts/texts. Plugging into the
bullies outside of school is a conscious decision. You may not be able to avoid
them in the hallways, but why let them into your bedroom? Don’t do it—that’s
like a minority person going to a racist website and reading the material. It’s
a waste of time and you have better things to do.
13. Use fantasy. Think of yourself as a celebrity. Do you
think they spend their time reading The Enquirer or do you think they get on
with their day? They get on with their day. We think celebrity life is
glamorous, but when you look at it, a lot of times, they’re just as bullied.
The only difference is society dismisses the bullying because the celebrity is
famous and rich. So, take a page from them. Many actors/singers don’t
read reviews about their work, nor do they Google themselves to see their
standings. It’s the same with you. Treat the bullies as paparazzi (because
those celebrity photographers can get just as violent as a bully), walk the
halls because you have a right to be there.
Bullies can only make you believe the world is against you. It’s simply not
true. By reaching out to adults, other kids, and doing it in
person/phone/internet, what you’ll find is a community and a support system.
And if you can
find those allies—if you can find the ultimate ally (yourself), you can find
your freedom.
Natasha Deen is an advocate for vulnerable groups. She’s
worked in Canada with the provincial government’s Children’s Services department as well
as with non-profit agencies dedicated to helping functionally illiterate
adults, and differently-abled people. Realizing the power of allegory and
myths to affect change in the lives of those around her, she turned to full
time writing in 2005. Under the pseudonym Bronwyn Storm, she is a
multi-published author with The Wild Rose Press. When not working on her
manuscripts, she is a writing instructor and editor to teens, adults and
children, and uses the template of the story to teach conflict resolution,
empowerment and the “why” behind human behavior.
