Jordana is a third grader who never has time for play dates with friends because every day after school she participates in various extracurricular activities: gymnastics, music lessons, dance classes, and acting workshops. Sometimes she is pulled out of school early to attend an audition. Usually, her auditions are scheduled on the weekends, so she often misses community and school events, as well as classmates’ birthday parties.
By the time she arrives home in the evenings, Jordana is exhausted, but still has to find time to squeeze in homework, rehearsing, violin practice and dinner before bed. The earliest she goes to sleep is 10 pm.
Her mother acknowledges the hectic schedule, and says she regrets Jordana’s frequent, late-night meltdowns, but says her daughter loves everything she does.
Parents want what is best for their children, but their good intentions can easily backfire.
Even though kids may appear to enjoy what they are doing, over-scheduling can lead to stress, anxiety, depression and physical illness. They already experience enough pressure in a structured school environment where they are expected to excel. Constantly overloading their schedules prevents children from learning how to function well outside of a high-stress arena of activity.
Teri is a working mom. She sends her fifth grade son, Scott, to an after school program until 5:30 pm. When he gets home, Scott refuses to review his homework or pick up a book. He complains that he’s been working all day at school and “needs a break.” While she does household chores, prepares dinner and showers, Teri allows Scott to watch TV and play video games for hours. He usually falls asleep on the sofa with the remote control in his hand.
“It’s a long day for him,” Teri explains. “He deserves to unwind and do what he wants to do.”
While some parents overload their children’s lives with enrichment opportunities, others allow their kids to immerse themselves in sedentary activities like watching TV, playing video games, texting, or surfing the web on the computer. These addictive forms of media easily capture children’s attention for too many wasteful hours and lead to many physical and psychological problems including obesity, sleeping disorders and aggression. The fast-paced action of TV and video games makes it harder to concentrate in the classroom and other environments with less stimulation. Developing brains need training to focus and function at their maximum capacity.
Striking a balance between too much structured after school activity and an overabundance of unproductive “hanging out” time is essential to a child’s mental, physical and emotional health. Play is a natural way for children to discover themselves, express their creativity, and develop relationships with others. Scheduling downtime to explore and discover helps children make important connections with the world around them.
Joann picks up her 7-year-old son, Brandon, from school everyday and takes him to the neighborhood park. He enjoys playing alone and with friends. One of his favorite activities is taking a nature walk — gathering leaves, acorns, and rocks as he goes. Sometimes his mother brings their bikes and they ride together. He also likes to bring balls for a spontaneous game of baseball, soccer or basketball with peers in the park. Joann and Brandon have also established a tradition of reading under a tree on a hill that overlooks the water.
“We enjoy sharing the time together after a busy day at school and work,” says Joann. “It’s very relaxing.”
Joann also supports extracurricular activities and takes Brandon to karate on Saturday mornings. He wakes up refreshed, raring to go. He began studying martial arts two years ago and is slowly and enthusiastically working towards his black belt. Joann thinks it’s important for her son to have one specific activity to focus on.
“He enjoys the discipline and takes pride in challenging himself,” she says. For Joann and Brandon, it’s about quality, not quantity.
Just as Joann limits the number of hours a week her son devotes to karate, she sets boundaries around the time he spends playing games on the computer and watching TV.
“I find no harm in moderation,” Joann admits, “and Brandon respects our rules.”
Joann monitors the television programs and Web sites her son visits and allows no more than one half-hour show during the week after he completes his homework. Depending on their weekend plans, Brandon chooses how he wants to spend his allotted one hour a day for video games and TV. He often prefers building with blocks or LEGOS instead.
Maintaining a healthy balance of structured and unstructured activities for your children can be challenging, especially in today’s culture. It is a lifestyle choice that involves setting priorities, establishing clear boundaries and practicing consistency.
Families can start making changes to their over- or under-active lives by carving out valuable family time each day. Spending at least one hour together without the distraction of television, electronic game devices, phones, or computers is a great start. Simple activities like cooking a meal together, taking a walk and playing a non-competitive game are excellent ways to relax and unwind as a family. Not only are you enjoying each other’s company, you are creating precious moments that will most likely last longer than the memory of a violin lesson or a TV program.
Laura Varoscak-DeInnocentiis is a teacher and freelance writer. Varoscak-DeInnocentiis has won editorial awards from Parenting Media Association and holds master’s degrees in fiction writing, education and psychology. She lives in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn and is the proud mom of two sons, Henry and Charlie. Visit her website (www.examiner.com/parenting-in-new-york/laura-varoscak) for more articles on parenting.
