Dear Twins,
My boyfriend, “Dan,” has a 7-year-old daughter. I agreed to watch her recently. There is a gym on the third floor of our apartment complex, which I decided to go to for about a half hour. I made sure his daughter was all set in the apartment on the couch with her computer. In any case, Dan’s ex-wife called while I was gone and found out her daughter was there by herself, and all hell broke loose. Now, he’s furious at me because she is fighting for full custody and accusing Dan of being unfit to have a child! If I am in the building, is it OK to leave a child in the apartment? Or did I make a disaster?!
Kerry says: I think the mother is overreacting, but nonetheless, you still shouldn’t have left the child out of your sight, even in the same building. A half hour is plenty of time to do damage — she could have let in a stranger, started a fire, or hurt herself. Allow her to bring her computer games and toys to the gym with you next time.
Jacqueline says: In any custody proceeding, the most important priority is the welfare of the child. Dan’s ex-wife is using her own personal agenda to attempt to get custody of the child. I’m assuming Dan has not done this type of thing before — and now she’s blaming him for your mistake. Nonetheless, this one-time incident is not going to be enough to give the ex full custody. She has to demonstrate that her ex-husband is a disaster. To answer your question, many state agencies have published guidelines as to what age is appropriate for a child to be left alone; most recommend 12 years of age.
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Dear Twins,
Our 13-year-old son is a little chubby, and is being bullied by two boys at school. Fortunately, one of the teachers took notice and reported it to the principal, and the boys were expelled for a period of time. Unfortunately, the same two boys hang out at the school after classes and in our neighborhood, and continue to taunt our son — and now it’s getting worse. Should my husband go to their homes to speak to their parents, should we report it to the school, or should he attempt to speak to those boys? Those boys don’t respect authority at any age. Our son is terrified to leave the house. We’re considering moving over this!
Jacqueline says: Of course your husband should speak to the parents of the bullies. (And you could do the same, by the way.) Furthermore, you should report it to the school and the police. What are you waiting for — your son to get hurt? Bullying is a serious issue. Do everything you can to prevent this from getting any worse. Your son’s well-being is dependent on your next actions.
Kerry says: I totally agree. You and your husband should report it to the parents AND the principal. Tell them that if these boys don’t stop bullying your son, you will take it to the furthest extent of the law. Bullying is a serious issue.
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Dear Twins,
We just moved to a new city due to my husband’s job transfer, and we have a new, 3-month-old baby. I’m a stay-at-home mom and very happy, and we have wonderful neighbors. However, one neighbor keeps asking me to watch her 1-year-old for “just a few minutes” while she runs to the store to get some formula, etc. These “few minutes” stretched into hours, then into half days, and finally into whole days. What should I say to her? She is really taking advantage of me!
Jacqueline says: Yes, she is taking advantage of you. The question is: why are you letting her? The next time she asks you to watch her kid, simply say “no.” If she asks why, tell her it is because she is taking advantage of you.
Kerry says: Tell her you are unable to watch her child as you are so busy, you barely can keep an eye on your OWN. Leave it at that. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: no one can take advantage of you unless you let them.
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Dear Twins,
My 12-year-old daughter is very bright and gets excellent grades in school (no brag, just fact). However, she tells me that the boy who sits next to her is constantly cheating and copying her answers on tests that are given in class. She says she tries to hide her paper, but somehow he manages to see most of the answers, and receives a much higher grade than he deserves. She’s afraid to report him, because she says he’s a “real tough kid.” What should she (or I) do?
Jacqueline says: Call the teacher and explain exactly what you said to us. Be clear that your daughter is afraid of him. I’m sure the teacher will take appropriate measures.
Kerry says: I disagree — no need to start a war. Instead, have her tell the teacher that she would rather not say names, but she suspects a fellow student is cheating and would like to move her seat during testing.
