Nowadays, kids don’t just go to school. When the school bell rings, they are shuttled to afterschool programs, tutoring centers, clubs, sports, dance and music classes, and more. And when school lets out for the summer, they go to day and sleepaway camps. Benjamin Berk has worked in all of these realms, as a Little League coach, a tutor, summer camp and afterschool counselor, and babysitter–and is currently at counselor at the 14th Street Y afterschool. With the time he has spent in these roles, he is here to offer the counselor’s perspective to parents.
The end of the school year is approaching, and that means saying goodbye to the people that have taught, helped, consoled, humored, and cared for your kids all year. In school, a class parent will often organize a gift for the teachers in each class. However, for parents of those kids in afterschool or tutoring programs, one of the questions that often comes up for parents is whether or not to tip the counselors in these programs. Few families can afford to give a blanket tip to all the counselors in a program, which can often number in the 20s. At the same time, there can be awkwardness if only some of the staff is tipped. How can you know which counselors really ‘earned’ a tip and which are just floating by?
First of all, why should you tip counselors? The answer is the same as it is for bartenders, wait staff, or movers. The vast majority of afterschool counselors, tutors, sports coaches, or dance teachers are not full-time staff. They often work two or three jobs, or are putting themselves through school at the same time. An extra $20 can mean a real dinner that night, or even paying their rent that month.
If you can’t tip the whole staff, it’s a good idea to ask your kids which counselors have had a particular effect on them that year. Ask your child if there is anyone to whom they are particularly close. Maybe a certain counselor escorts them from school, or someone else teaches their favorite class, or there is someone who they go to when they’re feeling sad. If you can’t tip everyone, I’d recommend giving the tip quietly directly to the counselor or counselors who have had the biggest impact on your child – you don’t want to make a big fuss of handing out envelopes if half the staff won’t receive one.
There really is no standard amount to tip – it often comes down to how much you as parents can afford and want to give. I’ve had parents whose children are on scholarships give me more than parents who I know live comfortably. If you have the money, a tip of any amount is a great way to say “Thank you for taking care of my child all year.”
However, this isn’t just about the money. If you can’t afford a financial gift, a card from the family is a great way to show the counselors that you recognize the work they do. A tip, even if it’s just a heartfelt thank-you card, can rejuvenate their spirits. Coworkers of mine agree that a sincere expression of gratitude can remind us why we are working with children, and not as delivery people or baristas.
One thing that many counselors and I notice is that the parents of the children that require the most work or cause the most stress are often the ones who show no gratitude at all. They pick their kids up on the last day and leave with no goodbye, no thank you. While parents have a myriad of things on their mind, it is frustrating to spend a year with a difficult child, often make real and tangible progress, and watch them walk out the door with zero recognition. Conversely, I’ve gotten tips and thanks from families whose children gave me zero trouble all year, or with whom I didn’t have a particularly close relationship. I’ve had parents come up and say how much their child talks about me at home, while all we did was play a game of Uno that day. In those cases, it feels good, and is a reminder that anyone who works with kids, from a teenage babysitter to the principal of their school, impacts these children in ways we can never know.
That’s why I do it, and why most of my co-workers do it. You don’t work with kids for the pay, or the vacation (not that there is one) – you do it because you simply love being with kids. That passion for the job is the spark that creates relationships that counselors build with kids. Reward it with a token of appreciation at the end of the year. Some cash, a gift card, or even just a sincere “Thank you” makes it all worthwhile.
Have a question for Ben? Ask the Counselor by emailing benmpberk@gmail.com!
