The twins and I were recently discussing all the upcoming
events we have on our calendar—birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, the
holidays. During our discussion, my son had an epiphany. “Ma, I don’t want any
Christmas presents this year. I want to give them all to poor children.”
What? This shocked me. “Johnny, are you sure?” He replied,
“Yes, let’s write Santa a letter right now.”
Armed with a pen and piece of paper, he wrote a letter to
Mr. Claus (first grade handwriting and all). We put it in an envelope and I
promised to mail it to the North Pole the next morning. My daughter however,
his twin, totally missed the generosity cue. The concept went right over her
6-year-old head.
That evening, I discussed my son’s letter at length with my
husband and we agreed—no presents from Santa for Johnny. If he was going to be
generous, we were going to support his wishes. Soon, my Aunt Vivian got wind of
the letter (and his request) and decided to write Johnny a reply as Santa. When
he read it, his face lit up and he immediately stuffed the note into his pocket
to show his friends.
My son’s charitable spirit may be impressive for a child his
age, but it’s something that we have been instilling in our kids since they
were small. A few years ago, as a way of clearing out the toy insanity that was
our 650-square-foot apartment, I decided that the twins and I would sort through
and donate the items that were in good working order, but hardly played with
anymore. Sure, eBay crossed my mind, but I think the better lesson was in
giving, not business.
I started off by explaining to the kids how lucky they were.
And that while some children get several gifts for the holidays (like them), others
get nothing at all. Now, it was their turn to do something nice for someone
else.
We made three piles: Keep. Throw away. Donate. I was
amazed at their generosity. Believe it or not, they had decided to give most
things away.
After their final decisions were made, we took a trip over
to the New York City Rescue Mission on Lafayette Street
to donate the items in person. The staff was so pleased! Their gratitude surely
injected my twins with the “giving bug.”
I didn’t realize it then, but this moment planted tiny giving seeds that
I would watch sprout over the next few years.
But let’s get one thing straight: I’m not saying that my
kids aren’t your typical hyped-up holiday tots. They, too, love to rip the
wrapping off of anything with their name on it. What I am saying is that after
all is said and done, they choose to give some of their brand new,
unopened goodies to children who are less fortunate. I never asked them to do
it; they came up with this system all on their own.
But how? I think there is a word for this—imprinting.
Webster’s describes it as a rapid learning process that takes place early in the life of a social
animal and establishes a behavior pattern. Perhaps all my volunteer
work has rubbed off on my kids. Just maybe, my random acts of kindness didn’t
go unnoticed. An initial imprint was made by my parents—who are very active
community and church volunteers— onto me, and now I pass it onto my twins.
Parenting
professionals always say “lead by example” and that is what you need to do. If
you want to have generous children, instead of writing a check to your local
charity, why not donate some of your valuable time? Talk to your children about
others who are in need. Enlighten and teach them about their good fortune in
both health and possessions.
I sometimes wonder
if my children are more generous simply because they are twins. I was lucky in
this way— there were very few lessons to teach about sharing since they have
been sharing straight from the womb. They shared a bed as infants, they shared
many toys as toddlers and they continue to share me as their mother. I’m lucky
that my lap is wide enough to still accommodate two little bottoms! (This is my
excuse for why I don’t hit the gym harder.)
It could be that their
good-hearted nature happened in utero when they discovered that they were one
part of a whole. I’m proud of my twins. To me, parenting success is exactly
what I have now. I achieved it when I read my son’s letter.
Happy Holidays to
you and yours.
Launching the global online network for parents of
multiples, Twiniversity, and producing Multiplicity, the must-have
magazine for parents of multiples, Natalie Diaz is on a mission to help
families with twins, triplets and quads alike. She is also a full-time mom
raising 6-year-old twins in NYC with her husband, John.
PHOTO CREDIT: JANE GOODRICH
THE GIVING STARTS HERE
Donate brand new items this holiday
season. Here are three organizations with wish lists of their own.
Covenant House covenanthouse.org
Baby Clothes
Clothing For First Job Interviews
Underwear & Socks (Teens)
New York City Rescue Mission nycrescue.org
Bath Towels
Canned Goods
Shampoo
Women In Need women-in-need.org
Diapers (All Sizes)
Toiletries
Twin-Size Bedding
