We’ve always found that the best way to talk about motherhood is to simply let moms talk about it. And the five moms we’ve chosen to feature this year include the executive director of the Children’s Museum of the Arts; a successful real estate executive; the founder of a non-profit program providing free gymnastics classes to children; a young designer who launched her own maternity clothing line and the businesswoman behind a creative hair salon just for kids. Each woman offers a different yet candid take on motherhood, work, and the fine art of balancing it well. Their stories are individual, but in the aggregate, it’s really the story of being a mom. We hope you’ll relate.
Keats Myer, executive director of the Children’s Museum of the Arts
Mother of Sami, 21, Ella, 16, and Emre, 12
How long have you been with the Children’s Museum of the Arts?
For four and a half years. I guess you could call me an institutions builder. What I do is help an institution set goals and move toward those goals. The last museum I worked for was the National Track and Field Hall of Fame. When I came to CMA, I was looking for a new challenge, and it’s been a nice fit for me. I love art and children.
How does motherhood inspire or enrich what you do?
Well, first of all, by just bringing basic knowledge of how mothers operate in the world. Knowing that you can’t schedule a class for young moms at one in the afternoon, because that’s when their babies are sleeping—knowing children’s rhythms. Because I work in an institution that is totally centered around families, I can have flexibility as a mother in my job. So, for instance, I take my cell phone and my BlackBerry to every meeting, and before I sit down I put them next to me and say, ‘If my children call, I’m going to answer the phone.’ I’m profoundly committed to flexibility, because I think you get back so much more than you give. I set a policy that anybody who wants to work at home two days a week can do so. It absolutely saves me, because I can get the five loads of laundry done and empty the dishwasher while I’m on the phone.
Is there any specific tip you would give other mothers on how to balance work, mothering, and life?
I think that if you decide at the get-go that investing in a really fantastic babysitter is worth it, that you’re worth it, that your career is worth it, then you will be far more effective because you’ll know that there’s somebody at home who’s really wonderful and whom you can trust. If I were to advise my own daughter in the future about the most important thing she should do if she decides to do both [work and be a mother], she should get somebody whom she treats as an equal and as a partner.
How has being a mother affected your relationship with your own mother, or your own parents, for that matter?
Has being a mom brought you closer to them? Oh, absolutely yes. I think having children allows you in a really profound way to forgive your parents for all the things you were mad at them for. You suddenly realize how hard it is, and you also realize that they are people just like you. And I think that’s a lovely gift of motherhood.
Now that your children are a little bit older, is there any advice you would give new moms?
Now that I’ve been doing it for 21 years and having seen my son grow up all the way, I guess my advice is that they’ll really become who they’ll become, and to let them have the room. Let them figure out what’s important to them; let them learn their own path. The whole point of the museum is that the child comes in and brings who he or she is and works with artists to create his or her own art—we don’t define an end product. It’s all about the process. I think that’s the link between the museum and my own parenting.
What would be your ideal Mother’s Day?
We actually always do this on my birthday, which is June 2. I have all my children and my husband around. I don’t want any presents; I can’t stand them. I want to have like 24 or 48 hours together as a family on the beach or in the woods or somewhere where we’re removed from all the stuff. That time becomes incredibly precious.
—Heather Peterson
Deanna Kory, Senior Vice President, Associate Broker, Corcoran Group Real Estate/Leader, Deanna Kory Team
Mother of Giorgi, 12, and Jeremy, 8
How did you get started in the real estate business?
I have real estate in my family—my grandmother had her own real estate company in the 1920s in Chicago, which was unusual at the time. She was a mythic figure to me, and she was always someone I wanted to emulate. I thought I would be able to have my own business like her. I started taking on assistants pretty early in my career because there were a lot of things going on in the business that didn’t need to be handled by the agents. It wasn’t a common thing back then, but I told my boss I could double my profits with an assistant, which I ended up doing. With that success, I continued to add more people. When I had my children, I wanted to take more time with them because I had been working seven days a week. So my husband took over the business aspects of the team and I did what I was best at.
What are some challenges of being both a mom and a real estate agent, considering the real estate industry often requires working odd hours and being on call?
What’s nice about my career is I have flexibility. If I have to be with the kids during the day, I can schedule work commitments around that. The challenge is that with flexibility comes the expectation of accessibility. When I started, people were used to unfettered access to me, so that had to change. But because I built a reputation of being conscientious and getting back to people, they know I’m going to contact them, and they respect my time with my family. This is why establishing my career first and then having a family was important to me, because I would have a solid career reputation.
Was motherhood a natural transition for you, or did it take some getting used to?
It was pretty natural—it actually worked out well with the business. It’s a counterintuitive thing. You’d think that working fewer hours would mean the business wouldn’t do as well, but the balance has really helped me. Everyone finds what works for them.
Has the current economy put stress on your work that carries over to your home life?
I think that it’s bound to have an impact, but throughout my career it’s been a goal to manage stress in a way that is helpful rather than counterproductive. Plus, working in this business for so long has given me a lot of perspective. I recognize that worrying about things takes away from the energy that you need to be creative.
What do you see as the pros and cons to raising kids in the city?
A big pro is that you don’t have to constantly get in your car to take your kids places; you can walk or hop on a subway or bus. There’s also a massive variety of things to do. I could visit an institution that had something for kids to do every weekend, and I would never visit the same one twice. The con is the fast pace of the city. It doesn’t let people be and enjoy the moment. I want my children to learn that, because then you’re able to maintain a sense of calm, and you’re grounded and sure of who you are.
Cozy Friedman
CEO & Founder, Cozy’s Cuts for Kids and So Cozy Hair Care for Children
Mother of Shane, 11, and Riley, 9
How did you get started with Cozy’s Cuts for Kids?
I was pretty successful at a young age working as a sales manager at a clothing company, but in my heart I knew I wanted my own business. One day, I was talking to a friend who was telling me about her nephew, whom she took to an adult salon for a haircut. When he started to cry, they asked them to leave. At the time, I wasn’t married and didn’t have any kids, so I said, “Why didn’t you bring him to a kids’ place?” And she said, “I don’t think there is one”—and that was my lightning bolt moment. I quit my job and went to barber school. It took me two years from quitting my job to actually opening my first salon on Madison and 84th Street.
What is the idea behind your business?
When I made the business plan, I wanted to combine it with a toy store. The mission was to turn something dreaded into something fun and highly anticipated. At our salons, we have DVDs and video games. We even have a person whose sole job it is to entertain the kids—blow bubbles, sing songs, etc. We also have a complete line of hair care products for children called So Cozy Hair Care for Children, which is sold nationally and on our web site.
How do you balance your career with being the mom you want to be?
I wake up at 5:30 in the morning and I do yoga or go running. I have to have an hour for myself. I love that hour because there is nothing else I could possibly be doing at that time, so it is guilt free. When I am with my family, I am not on my Blackberry or taking work calls. When I am at work, I am focused on work. The great thing about having my own business is that I can schedule that I want to pick up my kids or be at their soccer practice. I have really good help at home and in the shops—I know it sounds corny, but it really does take a village.
In terms of being a mom, how are you different or similar to your own mom?
My mother was a single mom who rose from selling used cars to the number two salesperson for Rolls Royce. When I was 16, she said, “Go get a job today or don’t come home,” and I came home without one, and she was furious. She said, “Walk into every store and tell them you are willing to work for free because you are so good that after two weeks they’ll want to hire and pay you.” So the next day, I went out and got my first job in retail. My mother taught me that whatever you want, you can get if you continue to try. When I said it took two years to open my store, it was because I couldn’t find a landlord who would rent to a young woman without business experience.
Has being a mom made you closer or more appreciative of your mom?
You can’t even imagine what your mom has done for you until you’ve become a mom yourself. I have help with my husband, who is a real hands-on dad, but I am amazed by how she was able to do it on her own.
What are some of your biggest joys as a mom?
It’s the small moments, for sure. My kids play a lot of sports—sitting on the sidelines having a sandwich with them is one of life’s little pleasures.
So what would you do if your boys wanted “mohawk” haircuts?
This is really common: kids want one haircut and parents want another! You have to moderate so everyone leaves happy. Last summer, my kids wanted buzz cuts, which I didn’t want, but it’s their hair, and they got them and loved it. They’ll probably get them again this summer.
— Stacey Pfeffer
Wendy Hilliard
Former Olympic rhythmic gymnast and the founder of the Wendy Hilliard Foundation
Mother of Kennedy, 6, and Bailey, 3
Can you give a brief history of your career as a rhythmic gymnast?
In 1978, I made the national team and competed for the United States. I was so proud. One of the big challenges I had was going for the world championship in 1983. I was in the top group but wasn’t chosen for the Olympic team. When I asked why, I was told I stuck out too much because of my color. I wrote to USA Gymnastics [the national governing body for the sport] and they eventually changed their decision. It helped me understand the importance of advocacy and standing up for your rights. I retired in 1988 and started coaching in 1989.
In 1996, you founded the Wendy Hilliard Foundation to provide free gymnastics classes and programs for underprivileged youth. Where did the idea for the foundation come from?
I was frustrated that I was only able to coach 15 girls at most on my own, and I felt the sport needed to grow. I also wanted to take away some of the sport’s elitism. Now, more than 5,000 kids have gone through the program. My gymnastics center in Brooklyn is beautiful, but my next phase is to find new space in Manhattan or the South Bronx. I’m determined because the kids deserve it.
What are the biggest joys of your job?
The kids, definitely. They come in and work hard, and it’s gratifying to see them grow and excel. One of my girls trains 25 hours a week and commutes two hours to get to me. She’s now in line to make the 2012 Olympic team, and it’s wonderful that I can give her the opportunity to see the world and have this experience.
What about some of the biggest challenges of being a mom?
The biggest challenge is that it’s a 24/7 job. Kids’ needs are constantly changing. You have to be on top of things and remember that you’re raising little individuals. I want my kids to be well-mannered, well-behaved, and socially responsible.
Was motherhood a natural transition for you, or did it take some getting used to?
I’m very protective of the kids I train, so I’ve always had maternal instincts. It was natural because I really wanted to do it, but no one can prepare you for how hard it’s going to be. I remember calling my friends who had kids and saying, “Why didn’t you give me a heads up?!”
In terms of being a mom, how are you different or similar to your own mom?
She always focused on simple things, like us sitting down as a family to have dinner. What I’ve learned from her most is the importance of slowing down and appreciating spending time together.
How has your life as a parent changed with regard to the current state of the economy?
Kids ask for stuff all the time, and the economy gives you a reason to make them aware of unnecessary excess. Now, when we say, “We can’t afford that,” they understand it more.
What are some of your favorite activities to do with your children?
They love to go swimming and play games with us. My husband’s very athletic and likes to play soccer, so we’ll all join in. We also like to travel a lot to see our family. Encouraging bonds between my kids and their cousins is important to us.
What do you see as the pros and cons of raising kids in the city?
The only con is the lack of space. I would like to have a backyard they could play in. But being exposed to the diversity of the city is very important for kids. It’s a challenge because it’s hectic and busy, but it’s a lifestyle I like.
Rosie Pope, CEO and Founder of Rosie Pope Maternity
Mother of James Roderick (J.R.) Pope, 7 months
You’ve had a lot of different life experiences. You’ve danced ballet with the Alvin Ailey American Dance Center, modeled for magazines like Italian Vogue, studied neuroscience at Columbia University, and now you’ve opened up Rosie Pope Maternity. How did you decide to start a new maternity line?
I was at Columbia in a lab, and I just realized it was not how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. My husband is very entrepreneurial, and he said, “Why don’t you get out of the lab and start a maternity company?” I guess from the modeling I’ve always made my own clothes and other people’s clothes, and as my friends were getting pregnant I started making clothes for them. But I was really mad at my husband because I thought, “Just because I want to have kids and know how to use a sewing machine doesn’t mean I want to start a maternity company!”
I went back to the lab, but a couple of months later I realized he might have been on to something, so I decided to take a year and give it a whirl. About a month into that year I got pregnant, so it was the most excellent 40-week research project I’ve ever done.
Your son was born the same week your new Soho store opened this past fall. How did you do that?
It wasn’t supposed to happen in completely the same week, but of course it did. It was insane. But I actually think having a baby made the whole thing manageable, because it kind of keeps you grounded.
What is your vision for Rosie Pope Maternity?
I think because maternity clothes are so hard to make, [companies] use a lot of Lycra and spandex without paying a lot of attention to tailoring. I really wanted to create a line that was tailored, which took a lot of research and a lot of work because pregnant women’s bodies are so different. We also wanted to be a one-stop shop. I know maternity stores that are either inexpensive or a little expensive or very specific—we wanted to provide everything. So there are items from $50 all the way up to couture gowns.
It sounds like you want a woman to feel very beautiful and very fashion-forward when she’s pregnant. Do you have any philosophies for dressing as a new mom?
It definitely has to be very quick. What I’ve found is if I have things that work, I buy them in a whole bunch of colors. I think that applies to our line too: you can buy a pile of dresses in different colors, and you know they work and you don’t have to worry about it. Because I know I don’t have time to pick out outfits from my closet and prance around trying them on!
How do you balance your work responsibilities with being the mother you want to be?
I’m always there when he wakes up, and we play for a couple of hours, and I’m always there to put him to bed. So we make sure that every day that’s a constant. But it never feels like enough.
Has being a mom made you more appreciative or closer to your own parents?
Much. It makes [me] feel terrible for leaving England when I was 18. Because if my son decided to move 5,000 miles away, I would be devastated. So I definitely give them props for letting me do that.
Has motherhood turned out the way you thought it would?
Definitely. I think because I wanted it for so long it doesn’t feel that different. Or it’s “good different,” so it’s not a problem. I find it a lot easier to take care of somebody else and think about them instead of constantly thinking about myself.
*This story was originally published in the May 2009 issue of New York Family
