Power of Acceptance: parenting my Autistic child, the most challenging obstacles are the ones I have with myself

 parenting my child with Autism
Getty Images

Power of Acceptance: parenting my Autistic child, the most challenging obstacles are the ones I have with myself

There are steps in this journey of parenting a Autistic child. By steps, I mean what you are going through and how you are dealing with what is at hand. I am now at a point in my son’s ASD journey where I have stopped convincing myself my child might speak one day or be able to connect with people outside his comfort zone. I have also entered the stage where I need to have those tough conversations with relatives about who my son’s guardian will be if anything happens to his father and me.

This all makes me sound pretty responsible and together, but the truth is, it has taken a while to get here. You can’t fault a parent for wanting the best for their child, but part of the heartbreak of being a special needs parent and parenting any child, really, is when you break up with the plan you had for that child. Like many parents (since I am being raw and open here), I had hoped my child would someday outgrow the stemming and not talking. 

Being honest with myself does not mean I was giving up; this acceptance took the pressure off me and, most importantly, my son, the innocent one in all these mind shenanigans I was bringing upon myself. 

But we must be gentle, not just with our children, but with ourselves as this is all new. It is a lot. It is hard. There are moments when you can’t believe life is so tough. But with acceptance comes power and strength. You switch gears and work vigorously as your child’s number one advocate. You start to be open and see the lessons.

One of the biggest hurdles I currently deal with is that my child, at age five, is no longer a toddler but at an age where he should be ‘like’ other kids his age. This is where it gets tricky. Do I work on changing my child so others can feel comfortable because his behavior isn’t checking the ‘normal’ box? The answer is NO. I hope education and special needs teachings help him to become more functioning, but any discomfort he brings upon others belongs to them, not us, and certainly, it is not his burden.

I’m learning to be open to lessons from other special needs parents, especially those who have been living it for some time. Pre-pandemic I joined my husband in Provence-Alpes-Côte d’Azur (I know… those were the days!) on a work trip. It was my first time away from my kids in years, and although I was in this gorgeous town, I was filled with anxiety about the next steps for my youngest. While I sat at a cafe at the Saturday French market, a father strolled by with his tween (she looked about fourteen) in a custom-made decorated wheelchair with a radio blasting appropriate tween tunes. She had a pacifier, and they all looked content, basking and strolling in the French sun. And I thought to myself, hell, yes, the French even do Special Needs in style.

And then I knew. I may not ace this parenting thing, but I will mom my Autistic son with style and grace and, most importantly, be grateful for the lessons he teaches me daily.

Psst…check out how to help Ukraine parents ….Brooklyn Mother Joins U.S Moms in Helping Ukrainian Parents by Donating Baby Carriers

Relevant Directory Listings

See More

Super Soccer Stars

<p>Soccer Stars is New York’s most popular youth educational soccer program! With 24 years of experience under our cleats, we have positively impacted over one million kids in our local community by putting the FUN in FUNdamentals in our weekly classes and camps.</p> <p>At Soccer Stars, we use the soccer ball as a vehicle to help children not only improve their soccer skills, but develop self-confidence and physical literacy, improve gross motor skills, build teamwork, and hone socialization skills. Our highly trained coaches and early childhood experts lead an age-specific curriculum with a low kid-to-coach ratio so every child gets individual attention and can grow at their own pace.</p> <p>Kids ages 1-12+ can join our seasonal programs, including Parent & Me, FUNdamentals, Development Training, and Travel Soccer. Join us at one of over 80 locations in neighborhoods across across Westchester County, Connecticut and New York, available 7 days-a-week:</p> <p><strong>Connecticut:</strong></p> <ul> <li>Cos Cob</li> <li>Greenwich</li> <li>Port Chester</li> </ul> <p> </p> <p><strong>Westchester:</strong></p> <ul> <li>Briarcliff</li> <li>Eastchester</li> <li>Mt. Kisco</li> <li>New Rochelle</li> <li>Ridgefield</li> <li>Scarsdale</li> <li>White Plains</li> </ul> <p> </p> <p><strong>New York City:</strong></p> <ul> <li>Bronx</li> <li>Inwood</li> <li>Upper West Side</li> <li>Upper East Side</li> </ul> <p> </p> <p>Can’t find a class or location that fits your schedule? Soccer Stars also offers private classes for small groups or individual training. Let our coaches come to you with a completely customizable program, anytime, anywhere. Birthday parties are also available! </p>

Aviator Sports Summer Day Camp

<p>Aviator Sports Summer Day Camp offers five daily rotating activities such as swimming, ice skating gymnastics, rock climbing, parkour, indoor/outdoor turf, and courts plus more in its ample 175,000 sq. ft. facility and 35-acre outdoor area. Aviator Summer Camp also offers off-site and on-site field trips such as a day at Green Meadows Farm, Launch Trampoline Park, and a Brooklyn Cyclones game. The summer camp runs from 9 am-5 pm with early drop off and late stay available. Bus transportation is also available throughout Brooklyn. Lunch and an afternoon snack are included. Sign up by February 28th to receive up to $300 off camp with early bird discounts.</p>

BAMkids

<p><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;" data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">BAMkids presents adventurous art and ideas for young audiences, igniting the imaginations of creative kids ages 3—11 with a fun and engaging lineup of workshops, movie matinees, and live performances from around the world.</span></p>