Does your teen leave for school without a jacket when his breath is visible in the chilly morning air? News flash: Your teen is not the only one who has lost his sense of sanity when it comes to dressing appropriately for the weather. All you have to do is look around on a cold, winter morning. Chances are, you’ll see several jacket-less teens standing at bus stops, seemingly half frozen.
Parents with younger kids might think that the parents with teens are sleeping at the wheel. Did we not see that our teenagers left in this state? Most of us probably did, but we’ve given up on this one. Or, maybe some of us shoved a jacket in our teen’s hand as he ran out the door, but it was instantaneously stuffed in the backpack. Are you frustrated with your teen’s apparent ignorance when it comes to the weather? Does he don shorts in late February? Some parents feel that at this point in our children’s lives, there are more important things to grouse about.
What’s up with this?
Why don’t teens like to wear jackets? I’ve heard varying responses from my own teens, including: “They don’t fit in the locker,” “The bus is hot,” “It’s just another thing to carry,” “It’s not cool,” and so on. Most of my friends have heard the same sorts of stories.
And now, even retailers have caught on. Many of the stores that cater to teens now carry heavy sweatshirts lined with fur. They call them “sweat jackets,” which satisfies both the parent and the teen — not to mention sales at the stores!
Whose problem is it anyway?
When you feel the need to say something that you know will lead to an argument, think to yourself: Does this problem directly affect me?
“Pick your battles. Know when to let go and when to take a stand,” advises Evonee Weinhaus, LCSW, LPC, a therapist, communications coach, and co-author of “Stop Struggling with Your Teen” and the award-winning “Stop Struggling with Your Child” (Penguin USA).
In the case of your teen not wanting to wear a coat when it’s cold, it doesn’t affect you, says Weinhaus.
However, if you can’t stand watching your teen go out the door sans jacket, Weinhaus says you should avoid nagging and giving in.
“Check the weather report for the day. If it is under a certain temperature, alert your teen and say something simple like, ‘I hope you wear a jacket today, but I realize it is you who will be cold, not me,’” she says. “Hand your teen a jacket. What is important is to use motion, not emotion. Don’t talk, just act.”
You should take control, says Weinhaus. Meaning, control of the problem, not your teen.
Let it go
Let him be cold. His doctor will tell you that being cold doesn’t cause a winter virus. If we’re truthful with ourselves, there has been a time or two when we’ve opted out of the jacket thing as well. I know I’ve gone without one on formal occasions when I just didn’t have the coat that worked with the fancy dress. So, don’t bother getting cranky — in 40 years or so, we’ll all have sweaters on when it’s 90 degrees outside!
Tips and tales
“My 14-year-old wears shorts all winter. I have to chase him out of the door with a sweatshirt! Makes me crazy!”
Paula Auringer, Kingston, NY
“I choose my battles. Kids don’t get sick from not wearing jackets. If they choose not to wear a jacket and are freezing, chances are they’ll wear one the next time.”
Kristine Wiedemann-Williams, Hyde Park, NY
“Buy the sweatshirt with the fur, if they’ll wear it! Even if you see them leave with a coat on, chances are they’ll just take it off and stuff it into a locker … or, if they drive to school, under the backseat.”
Leslie Quick, Poughkeepsie, NY
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Teens and self-esteem: How do you help your teen with her “self image?”
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Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer and columnist specializing in parenting issues and children’s development. She is the mother of two teenagers.
