Choosing a Caregiver for My Special Needs Child
A mother shares her comprehensive approach to interviewing, vetting, and preparing caregivers for her autistic son
My son has autism, so when I need to leave him with a babysitter, I’m incredibly picky about who that person will be. A dozen worries run through my head: Who can I trust with him, especially since he has limited verbal skills? Will the sitter understand his wants and needs? Will he be happy and engaged while I’m gone? Over the years, I’ve developed a system for choosing babysitters that has worked well for us. Here’s how.
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Where to Find Babysitters
There are some great places you might not have considered. I contact local special-education schools and therapy centers; social workers, psychologists, teachers, and therapists are excellent resources. Tell them exactly the type of person you seek and describe your child’s age and needs. Many staff members are looking for extra work, and these programs often circulate caregiving opportunities internally. A big advantage: these candidates frequently already have background checks or fingerprinting done by their employers.
Referrals from other parents of children with special needs are also invaluable. Other parents know what to ask and can give honest feedback about whether someone would be a good fit.
Meet as Many Candidates as Possible
I like to meet as many potential sitters as possible. Different personalities work for various situations. I have sitters I prefer for at-home care and others I want to bring on outings. And life happens — you need backups. It’s not unusual to call several people before getting a yes, so build a list of trusted candidates.
The Initial Interview
I meet new candidates alone, without my son present. He has strong receptive language, and I don’t like to discuss him in front of him. In that first meeting, I shared everything: routines, likes and dislikes, what bowl he prefers for snacks, and that he likes ice cubes in his water — every detail matters. I also cover pay and invite candidates to ask questions. This meeting helps me decide whether to move forward.
Checking References
After the initial interviews, I always check the references of those I’m seriously considering — past families, supervisors, or coworkers. Have your questions ready and ask about interactions with children, handling difficult situations, punctuality, and reliability.
You should feel free and comfortable to ask anything; after all, this is your child’s welfare we are talking about. Ask specific questions about the candidate’s interactions with children, how they’ve handled certain situations, and the like. I always like to ask about punctuality, too. This is the opportunity to get a feel for whether this person may be the right fit and if you want to continue moving along with them.
Introducing Your Child
Assuming the references check out, I will schedule a meeting between the candidate and my child at home. I will prepare my son in advance by telling him the person’s name and that they are coming over to see where he lives and what he likes to play with. I show the potential caregiver around my home, pointing out where my son likes to hang out, where his favorite snacks are, and going over routines in detail. Watching how they interact gives me a strong sense of whether they’re a good match.
Joining us for an Outing
If I am hiring a sitter to take my son out, I invite them on an outing first. Being outside requires different skills: safety vigilance, managing unexpected behaviors, and staying calm if he won’t hold a hand or chases birds. I guide them through the outing and ask how they would handle particular scenarios.
Assessing the Sitter’s Commute
Where a sitter lives is important to me. Just because you are identifying candidates via a school or center does not necessarily mean they live nearby. I confirm that candidates can reliably get to and from my apartment independently and understand travel time. You don’t want to scramble to pick someone up or drop them off late at night.
Every question matters, and no detail is too small. Make lists, check references, and do what it takes to put your mind at ease — when you know your child is in the right hands, you can go out and truly relax.
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