The school admission process in New York City is one that is often riddled with worry and uncertainty. Parents are particularly stressed now, as the notification dates of mid February and early March are fast approaching. Parents have spent months filling out applications and writing essays as they try to determine which schools best fit their family’s values and their child’s learning style. Now there is nothing they can do but wait.
The good news is that despite all the anxiety about making the “right” decision for your child, most children will be accepted to the school where they will be successful and happy. However, as a New York City mother who has also gone through the process, I know this doesn’t always make us feel better. As this nail biting time approaches, we at School Search Solutions want to answer the top five questions that parents ask when the outcome isn’t the one they had hoped for.
My child was not accepted to any of the schools we applied to? Now what?
Despite the common belief that Kindergarten, Middle or High School entry is your child’s last chance for admission to your top choice schools, this is not the case. Although there may be fewer vacancies in non-entry level years, your child actually has a greater chance of acceptance for spaces that become available during an “off” year, when he or she is not in competition with large numbers of applicants. So take a deep breath. While disappointment is hard to take, it is helpful to think of this as an opportunity to dig further into who your child is and what your family’s values are. Try not to focus on the “ivy league track” and instead re-evaluate what your child is good at, what he or she struggles with, his or her learning style, and the type of environment in which he or she is most comfortable. Admission to the next level of education, and indeed to college, is determined less by what school your child attended, and more about how he or she performs in school. So an interim placement at a school where he or she is successful and thrives will improve his or her chances of acceptance at schools where he or she may not have gotten in now.
My child was accepted to several schools; how do I decide which school is best?
Remember your child’s success—academic, social and emotional—is the greatest indicator of future performance and, ultimately, college acceptance. So make this decision independently, and don’t be derailed by your friends’ or colleagues’ opinions. You know your child better than anyone else does. Think about how your child learns best. Is it in a structured environment or a more progressive one? Is your child shy? If so a smaller school might give him or her a chance to shine. Is your child athletic or more focused on the arts? All these things are important as you make your school choice. As you make your decision, learn as much as you can about the school(s) you are considering. Make sure the school is a comfortable place for you as well as for your child. Ask whether your child can spend a day or 1/2 day at the school. Visit the school when you are not expected. Attend a Parents Association meeting, a sports event, or a musical production. Observe the school at drop off and pick up time and see how the children interact with the faculty and how the parents interact with each other. Most importantly, follow your instinct!
Kids of other parents I’m friends with did not receive acceptance at their top school, but my child did—what do I say about my good news?
This is an anxious time for parents. Be sensitive. Do not flaunt and do not pry. If you can help a family, do so. Think of parents you may know at the schools where your friend’s child was admitted, and connect them in order to give your friend a more informed sense of the school than they may have gleaned during the admissions process. They may end up learning favorable things about the school(s) their child was accepted to that give them a different perspective. Most importantly be supportive.
What are the survival skills needed during this time and in this competitive environment—for me and my child—if the school search results were disappointing?
First, have confidence in the short and long term success of your child. If you perceive the outcome as a negative reflection on your child, he or she will pick up on your feelings, which may reduce his or her confidence the next time you apply. We believe that education is more than schooling—and one of the best lessons you can impart to a child is the important of resilience. The way you handle success and disappointment will set a long lasting example for your child which will impact the way he or she handles disappointment in the future. Use this experience to teach your child these important skills. Prepare him or her to handle adversity and with that s/he will develop a resilient attitude that will promote his or her future academic and life success. Your attitude sets a powerful example for your child. So be positive, be loving, mean it all, and carry on.
What happens if I sign a contract with a school while I wait to see if my child is accepted off the wait list at a top choice private school or at a specialized public school?
If your child is accepted to a private school and you want to wait either until a wait list may clear, or for the gifted and talented results, it is very important to have this conversation with the admissions office at the private school where your son or daughter has been accepted. There has always been a disconnect between the notification dates for the private schools (mid February) and the notification dates for the gifted and talented public school program (mid-May) which puts parents in a quandary. Please do not assume that the private school where your child has been accepted will hold the spot for you. But on the other hand, if you sign a contract with a private school you may be responsible for payment of a full year’s tuition, even if you ultimately choose not to send your child to that school.
The best way to deal with a situation in which you would like to wait for additional information before accepting a space that has been offered is to be upfront. Have a conversation with the school. In some cases they will grant you an extension of time before you need to inform them of your decision or make other accommodations to help you navigate this complex situation. If not, you need to explore your tolerance for risk to see whether or not the bird in the hand is the best choice for your family at present.
Roselyn Drake is the Head of NYC Private Client Services, School Search Solutions. If you have any other Ask the Education Expert questions or have questions regarding school placement in New York City, please contact us at [email protected].
