As the old adage goes, having a baby changes everything. The anticipation and readjustment of your world as you know it brings on unique emotions and an onset of questions, doubt and worry. But with a little help from your friends, and a few leading experts, you can prepare to welcome these challenges and changes as the next wonderful phase of your evolving life. ---

What To Read During Pregnancy

So you found out you’re expecting (congrats!), and you’re ready to rush out to the local bookstore for all the latest and greatest parenting texts. Prepare to be overwhelmed by hundreds of books on the subject, warns “Born & Bred” Founding Editor and new mother Leah Black. “My tip would be to pick one or two books that you really like that will carry you throughout your pregnancy,” says Black. “Look for one book that’s all encompassing.”

One of her favorites is The Pregnancy Bible: Your Complete Guide to Pregnancy and Early Parenthood by Joanne Stone and Keith Eddleman. “It’s sort of like a textbook to pregnancy,” Black says.

The Pregnancy Bible has color photos and glossy pages, covering a little bit of everything that both parents are experiencing (or are just plain curious about), including nutrition, fetal development, intimacy issues and maternity leave. “Actually, it has a cool scientific angle,” Black says. “I’ve recommended it to friends who really like it.”

The Balanced Registry

When looking for the perfect registry items, “Born & Bred” maternity blogger and expectant mother Katie Main suggests a mix of inexpensive gifts with a few high-end choices. “You should decide what items are important enough that you want the higher-end versions.” It also helps to ask friends with children what worked for them and what items seemed “unnecessary.”

For a registry location, Main recommends Babies R Us, Buy Buy Baby, giggle, or myregistry.com where you can register items from the stores of your choice. “I registered online,” Main says, “because I found it helpful to read customer reviews.”

Registry Must-Haves:

1. If you are someone who’s quick in the kitchen and plans on making your own baby food once your baby starts eating solids, the BEABA Babycook is a good choice. The countertop appliance is a multifunctional device that can steam, blend, warm and defrost foods with the click of a button.

2. In New York City, your stroller is like your car—so you want a good one. City Mini is a nice mid-price option. With a wide range of choices, including joggers, new parents will have no trouble finding a baby carriage that will get them from point A to point B in style.

3. For the first few weeks when the baby is still in your room—people swear by The Arm’s Reach CO-SLEEPER brand Bassinet. It’s a must-have for sleepless nights!

Overcoming Breastfeeding Struggles

New and expectant moms dream about those initial bonding moments with baby, especially during feedings,—one of the most intimate experiences of motherhood. But many mothers struggle.

“It is about building the most normal, healthy feeding relationship with your baby,” says Susan E. Burger, President of The New York Lactation Consultant Association. 

If you’re dealing with breastfeeding troubles, Burger suggests that mothers remind themselves of all the things that are going well with their newborns. At the same time, acknowledging the frustration and sadness is okay and even expected. “Allow yourself to feel those emotions so you can properly mourn the loss of your idealized image of infant feeding. Then dust yourself off and figure out what you can do to make it better.”

For more information on feeding and bonding options, visit NYLCA.org.

Five Ways To Baby-Proof Your Apartment

James Hirtenstein, Owner and Founder of Baby-SAFE Inc., offers some important tips on how to baby-proof a city apartment.

1. Identify all the dangers that are present in your home. Though simplistic in theory, it is the most important thing a parent can do. The best way to identify dangers for a baby or toddler is to get down on all fours and crawl around as they will be doing, paying attention to potential hazards.

2. Make sure that the home is equipped with all fire safety equipment. It’s also a good idea to include a rehearsed fire escape plan.

3. Latch up all cabinets with dangerous items stored inside. Think of items like cleaning liquids, medicines, sharp objects—anything you wouldn’t want your child to touch or be near.

4. Anchor all furniture that can tip over. You can do a simple test with a push of your hand. If it tips, be sure to secure it to the floor.

5. If the home has stairs, then safety gates should be attached at both top and bottom of the staircases. And if you don’t have stairs, always remember to keep an eye on your little ones when you’re out and about.

Back To Work After Baby

One of the biggest challenges facing new parents is returning to work. Finding the right balance with your boss, spouse and a new baby proves complicated but not impossible with the right plan in place.

“Balance is a big part of it,” says Pamela Weinberg of Mind Your Own Business Moms, an organization dedicated to keeping stay-at-home moms connected to the workforce. “I think new moms and new parents really never feel one-hundred percent comfortable, and I think that’s just the push-pull effect of going back to work.”

Because every corporate culture differs, Weinberg suggests that taking steps even before taking leave helps to prepare parents. “If at all possible, find a role model at work, someone you respect who has gone through this before.”

Talking with a mentor about their experience alleviates many unwarranted fears. And this goes for the boss as well. Set up a meeting to discuss your future plans, asking your employer “how they see it working,” to reach a mutual comfort zone.

“I think the biggest challenge every new parent faces is childcare,” says Weinberg. “There is no close second. It’s finding the right situation, person, daycare to care for your child so you feel comfortable and at ease.”

Set up check points during the day for calls with your childcare provider or have them keep a daily journal so you feel informed and connected.

Dealing With Your Mother

After having a child, the relationship between you and your own mother evolves into something quite different.

“Sometimes it can be just a fresh start, a new relationship,” says Heather Ouida of babybites, an online social and educational community for moms and moms-to-be. “Just because you may have butted heads with your mom when you were growing up, it doesn’t mean that that dynamic will continue.”

Ouida recommends keeping an open mind. “You may discover things that you never knew about your mom. She may be the best grandmother and best support network for you.”

For those new moms who had a close relationship with their mother, as Ouida did, the natural positive energy and connection should carry over. “I think if you have a good relationship with your mom, be prepared that it will continue—embrace it, go with it,” Ouida says. “It’s such a positive thing for you and your child.”

…And Your Mother-In-Law

Dr. Karen Rancourt, of Rancourt Parenting—a guidance-based program for parents of advantaged children—and “Ask Grandma Karen” (debuting this fall), shares two-word mantras for new or expectant moms and their mothers-in-law—lighten up and zip it, respectively.

Grandparents must recognize that they are a resource, not authoritarian, insists Dr. Rancourt. “My advice to grandmoms is to first and foremost remember we are the grandparents, not the parents,” she says.

Allowing new parents the control they need benefits the entire family. However, they should try to understand that taking on a more passive role in the early stages of grandparenthood may prove difficult initially for their own parents.

“You’ve earned the right to participate in raising your grandchildren and you earn that right by respecting who’s in the driver’s seat and you staying in the backseat,” Rancourt says with regard to new grandparents. “Lo and behold if you can do this consistently enough you may be invited to come up in the front seat and help in some of the more fundamental, important aspects of making these parenting decisions.”