Before I was a mommy, my ideal evening was dinner at a new restaurant and catching up with good friends. Now with my baby weight clinging to me like slutty clothes to Lindsay Lohan, and an inability to stay awake past 8:30 p.m., nights out have lost their allure. I am now powerless to talk about anything other than kid-related topics.

Before I was a mommy, Sundays meant reading The New York Times and watching “60 Minutes” at night. Now my version of current affairs is keeping up with the Kardashians. I’ve traded “Dateline” for Barney and Kings of Leon for the Fresh Beat Band. Most of the time I find out about breaking world news from reading my friends’ Facebook updates on my phone while trying to sneak breakfast food into my toddler’s mouth.

Before I was a mommy, I would exercise five days a week religiously. Now my new uniform is those Lululemon workout pants that make everyone look 10 pounds thinner without actually needing to go to the gym. If I lived outside of Manhattan I’m sure I’d be sporting a terry cloth robe and a coffee mug that says something like “Sleep Is Overrated” or “Mommy Needs Coffee.”

Before I was a mommy, I used to be great at maintaining relationships with friends near and far. Now keeping in touch means I run into you on the street, in Planet Kids or I see your updates on Facebook. I no longer have a sympathetic ear for most non-parenting related issues. Sorry single friends, I know dating is really hard but so is potty training. Your boss is a poor communicator? Try working with a teething toddler seven days a week. But tell me your kid regularly gets up at 4 a.m. and I can commiserate with you for hours.

Before I was a mommy, I used to think multi-tasking was doing two things at once. Now I know that anything less than three actions at once is for the childless. Look at any Manhattan mom on the street. She, like me, is no doubt pushing a stroller while shopping, talking on the phone, and getting a snack for her kid. This is actually the test you have to take before they’ll sell you a Bugaboo. Bonus points for moms of twins or those who include texting in the mix.

Before I was a mommy, I used to be a typical Type A-get-things-done kind of girl. Now I have perma-“mommy brain,” and will almost assuredly forget something you may have just told me five minutes ago. You know what that’s all about? That’s your lips moving while my mind is thinking, “What am I going to make for dinner? Is Gabe’s next doctor’s appointment Thursday or Friday? Do I have time to go to the supermarket and also pick up that birthday gift before I have to be home for Max’s nap?”

Before I was a mommy, I had “me” time in abundance. Now with a baby and a toddler, what used to pass as free time with one kid is just about obliterated with two. When I text you back LMK for Let Me Know it’s not because I’m trying to be hip, it’s because that’s all I have time to type before my oldest wants to play First Words on my iPhone. I actually had to choose the other day between replacing a roll of toilet paper and brushing my teeth and I’m not going to say which one won.

Before I was a mommy, I never realized how much better my life was going to be with my two boys. Now it’s as though the sheer force of love I have for my two boys has forced all the other stuff out of my brain. No room left for minutiae. Everything I used to care about no longer matters. I’m living in Happily Ever After. r

Robin Saks Frankel is the founder of Crib Notes, a free monthly e-newsletter for parents of kids ages 0 to 3, and Facebook’s “The Greatest Friday Playgroup Ever!,” a weekly playgroup for uptown moms.