I love Facebook.
There is a beauty in being able to connect easily and often with our friends and family. And when Facebook is using its power for good—as a connector of the world that transcends both time and space—it can be magical indeed.
But sometimes the fizzle outshines the dazzle.
New parenting is hard enough as it is—at a time when we are sleep-deprived, exhausted, unfocused, and managing our energies, Facebook can leave us depleted and wanting more, because there always is more. Feelings of anxiety or indecision, or of being overwhelmed by too much information, can seemingly come out of nowhere.
During our most vulnerable time as new parents, Facebook unwittingly shines a light on what we are not—not back to our pre-baby weight, not on vacation in the Caribbean, not married, not pregnant with our second, not, not, not. It’s 2016’s version of the beauty magazine advertising to us what we should aspire to be.
This is my main problem with Facebook—it’s an artificial environment.
Social media newsfeeds disrupt the natural order—never before in one place in 10 seconds can you share in the joy of your
cousin’s wedding, examine a co-worker’s arugula and beet salad, argue Bernie vs. Trump, see a Chihuahua dressed up in a Santa outfit, and while laughing hysterically at the canine, see that a close friend has died.
Ten seconds.
For all the criticism of the traditional media spoon-feeding us the news, they may not have served up the dishes we wanted, but they knew how to order the courses: The worst first, the stories that needed time and attention next, and the final course—the personal interest story—the cherry on top for hope for humanity.
How we process information from the natural circle of life—the ebbs and flows, beginnings and endings, arches and plateaus—can lead us to humanity’s greatest strengths: Love, hope, and faith; this new life—this new baby.
The more we scroll, the smaller we can feel, and the more insignificant we can become.
That’s why a Facebook diet is nutritious and fortifying. My current regime reduces anxiety, stress, and indecision for new mothers—here are a few tips to trim the fat.
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Make space. Remember that episode of “I Love Lucy” with the chocolates? Yes, things keep on going faster and faster, and the conveyor belt of crazy won’t stop unless we step away from the insanity. Powering down the iPhone an hour before bed, or having your first cup of java before checking your Facebook feed will make you feel human again. Populate your “newsfeed” with your own thoughts first thing in the morning—it’s refreshing and does a body good.
Set a time limit. Sometimes approaching Facebook like a tough cardio interval—get in there, do what needs to be done, get out in a set time frame (say 15 minutes), and feel good afterwards is healthy for the mind, body, and soul. Another interval option is planning to go on Facebook every other day—moms have shared that this 50 percent model reduces their stress, anxiety, and worry. Less is more in the parenting world.
Go visiting. Send a message, make a plan to get together for lunch, offer to host a play date, see what’s going on in their world. It’s 2016’s version of the “Friends” or “Seinfeld” neighbor drop-in. Use Facebook to make plans to get together, and take the virtual into reality.
Be selective. Facebook Groups, another new mystical creature of the Technology World, have become the new daytime soap operas, filled with their own dramas, characters, and conflicts. Choose wisely. We are the sum total of the people, places, and things we spend the most time with. Surround yourself with moms who are uplifting and inspiring. And funny. Humor is a “must-have” accessory for all new parents.
Maintaining the peace on one of the Facebook boards, a mom vigilante said it best in a recent intervention post after a fight about baby bottles broke out: “Put those typing fingers down…slowly, step away from the keyboard, take a walk and get a breather!”
The human connection of parenting is most enjoyable when we go out and play.
Renee Sullivan is a parent, lifestyle coach, and founder of The Moms Groups, keeping moms sane in the insane world of parenting. To learn more, visit themomsgroups.com.
