Today is my wife’s birthday. It happens to coincide with a time when I’ve been thinking a bit about my experiences and expectations of our marriage, now in its 16th year. My parents had an awful marriage from the start, culminating in a scorched-off divorce when I was 8. So why have I been so lucky in love—to find myself in a marriage, which for all its regularity and share of mini- dramas and –disappointments—is still buoyed by companionability, generosity, and pleasant surprises?
I don’t know! If I had to choose a primary factor it would probably be a shared commitment to each other’s well being. And then there’s the wonder of it. As well as I know my wife—or at least how we are together—I feel like there’s more to come, for better and worse.
Rebecca likes cookbooks, and one of my presents to her this year is The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook, based on the popular blog of a New York cook and mom Deb Perelman. That led to another birthday idea: hiring a personal chef to prepare a family meal for us based on recipes from the book. This was all very last-minute and more costly than I imagined. So, with the help of Smitten Kitchen’s recipe blog, I’ve decided to prepare the meal myself, a three-courser featuring lamb kebobs, cauliflower fritters, and a Caesar salad (without the chicken).
When I deliberated with a mom-friend about whether to cook or not, she pointed out that it would have the added benefit of showing my kids the effort I’m making to celebrate their mother. I liked that idea…though she’s never had my cooking.
Eric Messinger is the editor of New York Family. He can be reached at [email protected].
