But It’s My Party!

During the week leading up to my college graduation, I committed one of the great social slights of my life by advocating for the exclusion of one of my peers from a final friends-only dinner—not because he had done something horrible to me, but merely because I wasn’t as close to him as I was to the others, and I found him kind of annoying. So immature. So insensitive. So unnecessary. So full of myself. So cruel. So dumb. I still think about it now and then and wish I could take it back. Last night, my soon-to-be-10-year-old son started bellyaching about whether he had to invite certain friends to his birthday party. We talked.

My son is now old enough to be reasoned with, for the most part, and however reluctantly. Our birthday conversation centered on a few ideals, which he’s heard from me before: That you don’t have to be best friends with everyone to be friends with them; that everyone’s feelings are important, even if they’re not your best friends; that these friends, who you’re thinking about not inviting, are still going to be in your life, so is a dramatic step like that really worth the ongoing tension that might ensue? Who knows if he got it all? More than anything I probably wore him down until he acceded.

There is a part of me that wonders whether I’m wrong to encourage my son to maintain a few friendships that, on that balance, actually aren’t all pleasant for him. Adults decide to sever “toxic” friendships (I keep seeing toxic used in this context). Should children have the same prerogative? Or is this one of those areas where they really don’t know better?

Clearly, it depends on the child and their age and maturity. My daughter is 13, going on 14 in a few months. She still talks to my wife and I about her social dramas near and near by, and I feel really lucky to have her confidences, and the parent challenge, for me, has been in being helpful and supportive (to tell her what I want to tell her) without her feeling like we don’t have confidence in her. She wants the support, to a point.

Adam, at 9 going on 10, still needs more from us, I think. So, he doesn’t have final say on his birthday list, but he has room to navigate his friendships every day. During the birthday chat, he gave me an example of the kind of annoying behavior that is impelling him to want to exclude one boy from his party. In the back of my mind, I considered whether I could apply the “invisible hand” of the well-intended parent and speak to the other parents. (Recently, another mom came to me to delicately discuss an obnoxious remark about religion that Adam had purportedly said to her son, and I appreciated hearing about it because, if it was true, then it was wrong of him to say it and I needed to make sure he knew better.) But, of course, approaching other parents about their kids is fraught with potential land mines, and, more importantly, I feel like my son is in the beginning stage of learning how to sort out his social dramas.

And that’s what I told him.

“I feel like this one of those things that you should deal with,” I said. “If he annoys you, tell him why and ask him to stop. If he continues to do it in a way that’s clearly meant to further annoy you, you might want to bring it up with the teacher, and so she can help.”

When Elena was Adam’s age, my wife and I faced a very similar situation when she didn’t want to share her birthday party with a friend who was starting to be more and more unpleasant to her. The friend was ultimately included, but the friendship waned anyway as Elena just didn’t want to spend time with her (understandably, I should add).

Forward to the present: We’ve seen the kid at a few bat mitzvahs this year and she seems like a lovely and smart young woman, assured and pleasant, a person who Elena might well gravitate to if she was just meeting her. They were cordial, but no re-kindling.

If you know anything about Adam from this blog, you may have gleaned that I feel like I’m raising the future social chairman of the fraternity—I’m just hoping he’s the guy who tries to make life more fun and pleasant for everyone around him, rather than the guy who frets about who gets invited to the party.

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CBE Kids Summer Day Camps

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Congregation Beth Elohim is so excited to announce the return of CBE Kids Day Camps starting THIS summer!</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Two programs will be offered in summer 2022: Elementary Day Camp and Camp Kef Hebrew Language Camp, both for rising Kindergarten to 4th graders. A typical day will include community building through play, and activities such as sports, art, computer coding, dance, instructional and free swim in our indoor pool, and much more. Camp Kef Hebrew Language Camp offers all of the same great activities in a Hebrew immersion setting appropriate for dual language learners, native speakers, and kids looking to grow their Hebrew skills.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Both camps utilize their beautiful Temple House in the heart of Park Slope, as well as Prospect Park — CBE’s backyard — for outdoor programming. CBE Kids aims to be a place where campers can try new things, make new friends, and grow through play.</span></p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">CBE can't wait to welcome everyone back to camp this summer. Whether you are a returning camper who cannot wait to get back after two summers away, or a new camper who is ready for a magical summer, there is something for everyone at CBE Kids Summer Camps!</span></p> <p> </p>

A-Game Sports

<div style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; background-color: #ffffff;"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;">A-Game Sports is a premier provider of sports camps, programming and instruction for kids of all ages ranging from toddlers to teens. As an instructional and recreational youth sports facility, our goal is to make athletics a rewarding experience for all kids. A-Game Sports is located in New Rochelle, NY, and offers camps, lessons, customized programs for more than 10 sports and rental space for private events. A-Game Sports was founded in 2013 by two guys who decided that it was time to do what they truly love in life. Since then, we've made the ideology of fusing hard work and fun into a reality. Our dedicated staff of professional coaches share their enthusiasm with kids of all ages and skill levels that take part in our programs.</p> </div> <div style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; background-color: #ffffff;"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"> </p> </div> <div style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; background-color: #ffffff;"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;">With turfed fields for soccer, lacrosse, field hockey and flag football, batting cages and tunnels for baseball and softball, and various basketball programs, A-Game Sports is one of the premiere sports facilities for kids and adults of any age. Aspiring athletes and fitness enthusiasts will benefit from our many strength and conditioning programs, while children new to sports will learn skills and techniques within their chosen sport, all while having a great time and keeping the game fun.</p> </div>

Frost Valley YMCA Camps

<p>Frost Valley YMCA offers traditional overnight summer camp, teen and pre-teen adventure trips, horse camps, and an adventure survival camp. Children and teens grow in a safe and engaging environment, spending their first nights away from home, gaining skills as young leaders, and bonding with new friends on mountain hikes, swimming and boating in Lake Cole, ziplining, sleeping beneath the starry Catskill sky, and more. Frost Valley offers 1- and 2-week programs from July to August for grades 2-10. Attend an open house or schedule a tour.</p>