Let me get this out of the way: I admit, I’ve never been pregnant. But I worked with patients in an OB-GYN office for over six years, and I have my MPH in maternal-child health. I’ve spent years studying and being around women in stages of preconception, pregnancy, and post-partum, and I’ve seen women and friends struggle to conceive. I have seen both the decision to go through with an unplanned pregnancy and the decision to terminate. I also helped raise my nephew for the first few months of his life, when his parents were still very young themselves. Quite simply, I love everything about birth, women’s health, and pediatrics. As many of my friends become mothers and I contemplate motherhood of my own one day, there are a few things I’ve learned that I would share with any friend of mine who is pregnant, or planning to get pregnant.
Please be gentle with yourself. This can mean a lot of things. If you’re having trouble conceiving, you’re not alone. If you miscarry, you’re not alone. According to the American Pregnancy Association, 10-25 percent of all clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage. People just don’t talk about it. Your body will change, in all sorts of ways. You finally have a chest! You have a funky line on your belly! Try to go with it. You’re growing a person in there!
Take your prenatal vitamins even before you’re pregnant. This is important, because vitamins like folic acid are crucial to healthy development of the neural tube to prevent conditions like spina bifida. The neural tube starts forming before you realize you’re pregnant, which is why these vitamins are so important to have in your body already.
Your emotional health is just as important as your physical health. Pregnancy involves surges of hormones. Hormones influence mood in a basic, physiological way. Impending parenthood can bring up a lot of feelings or past psychological issues. Giving birth and parenthood are major life events and can be overwhelming to lots of people. Your emotional health is just as important as your physical health, and should be tended to as much as your body during your prenatal care. If you feel the need, talk to a counselor or your health care provider about any concerns you may have, or join a support group of expectant moms. Health involves the whole person, mind and body.
Stay active. Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you’re breakable. You can still participate in many of your favorite activities; just make sure to check with your doctor. Aerobic activities are good, especially swimming and walking. Make sure to stay hydrated. Not only can this help maintain your fitness level, but it can help with constipation, mood, lower your risk of gestational diabetes, and possibly make for an easier labor.
Get as much information as is comfortable for you. Some people like to get a lot of information, some like to get a little less. Whatever your style, it’s always a good idea to get a wide range of ideas and information on things like pregnancy and breastfeeding, whether you think you’re going to follow the advice or not. Talk with friends and family about what has worked for them, ask your doctor or midwife about your options, and explore what feels right for you. I always think it’s better to be informed.
Speak up. I have seen otherwise assertive women go silent when a person in a white coat walks into an exam room. Please don’t do this. This is your body, your experience. Choose a labor provider with whom you can partner, who will listen to your needs and wishes for the birth process, and who is attentive to any concerns you and your partner may have. Develop a birth plan – it doesn’t have to be elaborate, even a few notes about things you do and do not want, or wish to avoid if possible, are fine. Communication is key. Without good communication during labor, your body can actually tense up and labor can slow down.
Yes, sex actually does help induce labor. One of the more awkward moments in my life was telling my younger brother to go have sex with his girlfriend to help speed along her labor. Sperm contains hormones that prepare the cervix for labor, and orgasm releases oxytocin, which can trigger contractions.
Ease up on the constant social media updates. We all love you. We do. But not everyone needs to know every detail about every prenatal visit, every trip to the baby store, every new detail of your new body, and every symptom of your pregnancy. Pick and choose what you share on social media. Same goes for pictures – the monthly bump pictures are usually welcome posts on any social feed, but the maternity outfit of the day pictures can be painful for friends trying to conceive or those who’ve just lost a baby. And…you do have other things going on, right? Don’t forget about you during this whole thing.
Consider hiring a doula. Don’t let financial fears scare you off – the Doula Project in NYC provides doulas free of charge or at low cost to women. Some insurance companies even reimburse for doula services. A doula is a person trained in pregnancy and birth that supports you before, during, and after childbirth. Studies have shown that women who use doulas are less likely to need Pitocin, less likely to have a C-section, more likely to report a positive birth experience, and have a decrease in the need for pain medications.
Enjoy and appreciate this time. When you think about it, it’s pretty darn cool, right? Weird and cool at the same time, no? Take this time to think about how awesome the human body is, how special you are right now. Be silly and make a plaster belly cast, or paint a henna tattoo on your belly. Do a pregnancy photo shoot or embrace your inner earth mother. Your body was built to handle this. Have faith in it and trust the process.
Jaime Rochelle Herndon is a local freelance writer, graduating soon with her MFA in creative nonfiction from Columbia; she has her MPH in maternal-child health and her MS in clinical health psychology. She is also currently reading the required reading for DONA doula training.
